“To attract something that you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.” — Martha Beck
How would you finish this sentence? I’ll be totally happy once I ___________________.
There are a million ways people tend to fill in the blank. I’ll be totally happy once I:
…get a new job
…find a man
…lose weight
…move to another city
…finish school
…get a promotion
…earn more money
…win the lottery
…take a vacation
…get married
…have kids
Everyone has their own set of goals. But if we’re really honest with ourselves, happiness is always the ultimate goal, we just hope the accomplishments we get along the way will make us so.
Think about it.
Why do you want to earn more money? Because you think it will make you happy.
Why do you want to lose weight? So you can look better, feel better…and be happy.
Why do you want to be married? So you can have someone to share your life with and be happy.
Many of the things we say we want are simply items, relationships or accomplishments that we think will bring about happiness in our lives. At least, we hope they will.
But I’m sure you know people who have all these things and are still miserable.
Why? Because they focus so much on getting to the next thing or on what’s still jacked up in their lives that they never focus on appreciating what they already have. They never focus on actually being happy.
It’s like this weird game of delayed gratification we play with ourselves. It’s like we won’t allow ourselves to be completely happy until we reach certain milestones, and even then whatever contentment we derive from that is quickly overshadowed by the race to the next goal or the fact that someone else has a better life than we do.
One problem is that the way we view happiness is in relation to others. Grama used to always warn me and my sister about trying to “keep up with the Joneses,” which just meant that instead of worrying about what the next person has, we should be grateful for what we had been blessed with.
In my own life, I’ve been thinking a lot about why I quit my job to work for myself as a consultant. I didn’t do it to make more money, but sometimes it seems like that’s all I worry about. If I get one more new client, I’ll make more money and then I’ll be happy. While I’m doing pretty well for myself so far, the money certainly isn’t guaranteed like that direct deposit I was getting in my account from my full-time job every month.
But the freedom I have now is priceless. It’s what I really wanted the whole time. Happiness for me right now is having the time and the energy to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. It’s not about getting to the next level. This IS the next level. And I’m reminding myself to enjoy every moment of it. Because the joy, not the thing, is the point.
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Loved this POST!!! Thank you for gently putting me back in check! I need it this Monday!!!
Thank you for this reminder. I remember reading that Martha Beck quote in a magazine, and how quickly I have forgotten to love this moment, this journey, this life. Life is such a beautiful gift we are given every day and I am learning to love and appreciate right where I am at.
I agree with this we must focus on the now and be grateful for what we have now and stop depending on things to make us happy.
However I have to say that in certain cases it’s easier said then done. It’s hard to tell a person that more money won’t make them happy if they can’t feed themselves or can’t pay their bills…in that case the need to earn more money would be an addition to their happiness because it will be providing to the basic necessities of life.
Personally I think it’s a balance. I think we have to look at what we do have in our lives and be grateful for it but there are things in our life that if changed would make it easier for us to be happy and grateful like earning enough money to have the necessities or losing weight in order to be healthy. Those things don’t necessary MAKE you happy but it do encourage happiness and make things easier because it gives you less to worry about. I know me personally I would be a lot happier if I earned more money because then I could afford health insurance, pay student loan debt, and not have to worry about how i will buy food this month or how to pay the gas bill…that will definitely make me happy LOL
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Thank you for this blog! I needed this post. At this present moment happiness for me is having the time, energy, resources and support to plan and actively work on my goal.
So glad you’re working on your goal
I know that’s right, Rosetta! Staying in the “now” is a difficult deed, for sure. All our lives, we’re taught to achieve more and more as if there is a final destination for happiness. The only final destination that’s assured is death so we better make RIGHT NOW all that ever matters…
Great post. I do think so many people focus on what they don’t have that they miss out on all the wonderful things in front of them. The older I get the more I realize that being happy is something only I can only provide for myself. People and things can’t give me that
This is the key to happiness is realizing that it comes from within regardless of external circumstances. This is something we must continually work at. It’s like we’re programmed to accomplish one thing and then immediately start thinking about that next thing we “need” in order to be happy. We know that life is a journey so we need to bring the happy with us for the whole ride. When your joy comes from within, happily ever after is always now!