Yesterday was Independence Day in the U.S., the day the entire country celebrates our so-called freedom. I say “so-called” because even though we live in a wealthy country, sometimes we allow the societal norms and values we have here to impede our personal freedom and happiness.
So much of what we’re brought up to do and be can be summed up this way:
Go to college > Get a job > Get married > Have kids > Buy a house > Retire Work until you die
With each milestone you reach in the American Dream, you are duly rewarded. You get congratulations from your family and friends. You earn the admiration of society. Each accomplishment makes you feel successful, like you’ve finally “made it.”
Obviously, if this path is the one you truly want, the payoff is great! You get to pursue your goals and at the same time, you get the external validation that comes with your achievements.
But what happens when you don’t want to follow the socially-accepted aspirational path?
You are ridiculed and questioned. If you don’t go to college, you’re doomed. If you don’t get married, you’ll die bitter and lonely. If you don’t want to have kids, people call you selfish. If you quit your job to start your own business, you’re taking a crazy risk in “this economy.” If you cut off all your hair and go natural, your mom tells you that you look like Miss Cleo.
The common denominator in all of these scenarios is the external factor.
What do people say about the choices you make for your life? And how much do you care?
For me, part of personal freedom is being able to do what feels right for you, regardless of what other people think. If it falls in line with the norm, fine. But if it’s outside of the commonly-held ideal, are you strong enough to withstand the pressure to conform?
Yesterday, I posted two questions in the Happy Black Woman Facebook Community:
Clearly, freedom means different things to different people. As it should!
When you care too much about what other people think, you can become imprisoned in their version of what happy looks like for you. But when you realize that you have lots of choices, that you can do anything you want with your life – you become invincible.
What does freedom look like to me?
- Freedom is knowing who I am and what I want.
- Freedom is being able to let go of the pain from my past, enjoy the present and pursue the opportunities I have for my future.
- Freedom is not having to work a job I hate just so I can buy, keep and maintain more “stuff.”
I am free.
Most of us, in fact, are already free. We just don’t know it.
You are free to live the life you’ve always wanted.
All you have to do now is step out of your imaginary shackles and out into the warmth of the sun. Now is the time to free yourself from everything that does not affirm you. Turn off the channel(s) that tell you, over and over: you are not enough.
Your Turn
1. What does freedom look like to you?
2. Are you free?
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1. What does freedom look like to you? Freedom is simply a peaceful life or LIFE FULL OF PEACE despite current situations, setbacks and adversities. Being able to move about on Earth as free as I want. Financial freedom, spiritual freedom, mental freedom, emotional freedom are the freedoms I seek!
2. Are you free? At present day, I would have to say no – I go between peace and bondage and it is all mind/mental bondage. I am currently working on total freedom without toying with bondage at all. Freedom of mind unleashes freedom in your heart, soul and spirit.
You know I think about the word freedom and I always come back to,the word happiness. I have three college degrees, two grown children, and a husband. Although I have these things I can’t seem to find peace within. At one time I would just shop but it waa only a temporary fix. I truly want to be free but I guess I wont until I’m happy within.
Great post, again, Rosetta – and very timely for the holiday! I was actually talking to a friend about this yesterday. The mind is SO powerful. Most of us have been brainwashed and impressed into believing there are only a couple of ways to pass the days of our lives rather than TRULY LIVE and travel the road that is felt in our hearts.
Although I am not living 100% free yet…I am so far from the mental jail I used to be contained in. Best to everyone on giving each day your best to achieve your most desired outcome!
Read my latest blog post…We’re Not Done Moving Yet…
Very good post. truly enlightening.
Thanks for reading, Pauline!
I am not free yet but I am on a journey to freedom. People’s opinion still bother me and no matter how hard I try, I feel like I’m not reaching my goals, like something is holding me back. Not sure what.
Read my latest blog post…Fitness Goals, Motivation
Thanks for stopping by, Zoe – wishing you clarity on your journey to freedom
I did nothing to celebrate independence simply because of our so-called freedom that we supposedly have. We aren’t entirely free to do as we please in my opinion.
1. What does freedom look like to you?
I’m still not really sure. The whole “Go to college > Get a job > Get married > Have kids > Buy a house >
RetireWork until you die” thing? I wish I could be free from that. I think there are different kids of freedoms. My personal freedom however, consists of me being free from having to worry about my health.2. Are you free?
Depends on what you’re asking:
- I’m free from the minimum-waged job I hated having as a cashier at Walmart where one manager practically humiliated me in front of everyone.
- I’m free from my abusive stepfather.
- I’m free to write what I want to write on my blog posts. When I was living with my mom, she’d always get so upset (her and my stepfather, lard) because I’d write about how I was so unhappy, etc, like it was a crime. I don’t know. This point is complicated & a long story if that.
Thanks for the post, though. I enjoyed reading it.
Read my latest blog post…I don’t hate being single.