how i met the rocket scientist, part one
how i met the rocket scientist, part two
The next week was a whirlwind. We had dinners, drinks, listened to live music. Seemed like we saw each other just about every other day. Then one night he asked me what my expectations were. I was taken aback. I had no expectations. He said that he believed in taking it slow, but that he also wanted us to date exclusively. I had to ponder that one. Like I said, I hadn’t been “looking” for a boyfriend.
But somebody must’ve told him that I’m a sucker for a man that can cook. He invites me over one night for dinner. I think he’d prepared the only meal he knew how to cook: baked fish, rice pilaf and steamed green beans. All of a sudden, we were officially an “item.”
It was summer, and naturally, I was planning my summer vacation. I said I wanted to go to Jamaica. He said I should take him with me. After perusing Expedia for a few weeks, we ended up going to Hawaii for a week. This was at three months. At two months, I had gone to meet his parents. Actually, I met everyone. His best friend was getting married. Everyone was asking if we were, too. Kind of freaked me out when his dad said something about a “daughter-in-law.” In a good way…
The fall brought Maxwell to DC and me and the rocket scientist in the fifth row from the stage. A surprise trip to see Lion King on Broadway. More family visits. Christmas in Florida where he met my entire family and won everyone over, even my uncle the wrestler and my cousin the boxer.
We had a lot of dinners. We watched a lot of movies. We had date night pretty much every weekend. We hung out with my friends. We hung out with his friends. We talked about the future. We talked about marriage. We talked about kids.
Everything was happy. So happy. Too happy?
I’d dubbed January my “Year of Happy.” Little did I know that one of my happiest decisions would set off a sequence of events that would change that quite quickly.
My last post about making the decision to grow out my natural hair talks about how it was initially met with “approval” by the rocket scientist. I think his reaction may have been more aspirational on his part, now that I think about it. Then we get snowed in. I’m looking at my friend’s Facebook photos of her new natural hair. I say something about not being able to wait until I get my “afro puff.” He says, “what’s this about an afro puff?” We were drinking margaritas. I thought he was joking. I told him that’s what my hair would look like after a while. I was smiling. He was not. He said he thought the braids were temporary. That I would go back to my straight hair in a few months. I just looked at him, then pulled up the lovely Lecoil natural hair website. I was giddy showing him the different hairstyles I wanted to have. He seemed to get more visibly annoyed with each one I pointed out. He had no idea what I meant by natural hair. He had obviously not been listening very closely when I told him all about the process. He said he preferred straight hair. I told him I wasn’t going to have straight hair.
Everything got quiet. Real quiet.
I asked him if my hair was a dealbreaker. He said it shouldn’t be. I told him that “shouldn’t” is an aspirational word. Either it is or it isn’t. He went to bed, saying he had to think about it.
I knew then that we were going to break up.
the end
|
Want more posts like this?
If so, subscribe below and join over 2,000 women who receive blog updates on personal development, entrepreneurship and lifestyle. As a bonus, you'll get a FREE COPY of my 13-page Life Mapping Workbook to help you design your ideal life in 7 key areas.
|
|
Pingback: Cocoon Syndrome and What to Do When People Don’t Want You to Change | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life + Business
What I can’t stand are the kind of people which abuse an excellent web site like this only to drop a link back to their homepage. ._.
Pingback: Three Simple Ways to Get Intimate with Your Blog Readers and Earn Their Trust | From Blogger to Entrepreneur
Pingback: Celebrating My One-Year Blogiversary: The Evolution of a Happy Black Woman | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life, Love & Business
I wanted to share this link to another woman’s story about her man’s reaction to changing her hairstyle- she’s white and simply went shorter! And this was a HUGE deal.
To all those saying it *must* not be the hair: you’d be surprised at how shallow we ALL can be as human beings, and the images of what we are supposed to look like or what the person we are with is supposed to look like are very strong and often affect our actions subconsciously.
I’m thankful for women like Rosetta and the woman in this article for not letting silly, antiquated ideas dictate their actions or keep us from doing whatever we want to feel our most beautiful.
http://www.elle.com/Beauty/Hair/Short-Hairstyles-Do-Haircuts-Affect-Your-Love-Life
Pingback: My Friend Omari and Why I Believe Happiness is a Choice | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development in Work, Love & Life
Pingback: My Extreme Online Dating Experiment: #Projectboyfriend Starts Now | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development in Work, Love & Life
Pingback: Taking the Blog in a New Direction | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development in Work, Love & Life
Pingback: my extreme online dating experiment: #projectboyfriend starts now | diary of a happy black woman
Thanks, Rhonda. I never knew men could be that superficial, but you live and you learn. I know that door closed so another, better one can be opened for me in due time!
Thanks, Rhonda. I never knew men could be that superficial, but you live and you learn. I know that door closed so another, better one can be opened for me in due time!
He has some insecurities about himself. I know you will get someone better. I cut my hair off when I was in a relationship and my NOW husband didn't like it but he understood what I was trying to do and he respected it. He loves my Natural Hair Now! So you are doing the right thing. It's ashamed that he's so superficial. You are beautiful girl and there's other men who will love you for you and not focus on your hair and appreciate what you are doing!
He has some insecurities about himself. I know you will get someone better. I cut my hair off when I was in a relationship and my NOW husband didn’t like it but he understood what I was trying to do and he respected it. He loves my Natural Hair Now! So you are doing the right thing. It’s ashamed that he’s so superficial. You are beautiful girl and there’s other men who will love you for you and not focus on your hair and appreciate what you are doing!
Thanks, Rhonda. I never knew men could be that superficial, but you live and you learn. I know that door closed so another, better one can be opened for me in due time!
Pingback: three months later: if you ask me, i’m ready | diary of a happy black woman
I love it when black women embrace the natural beauty of their hair! Black women are the only women in the world with such gloriously thick and strong hair. It’s beautiful and amazing and it’s a shame that some can’t appreciate it.
Agreed!
I love it when black women embrace the natural beauty of their hair! Black women are the only women in the world with such gloriously thick and strong hair. It’s beautiful and amazing and it’s a shame that some can’t appreciate it.
Agreed!
Sistah,
I read it twice. I keep looking for the break up part. A cheat, a lier, a drug addict. Come on now. Over your hair?
There is something terribly wrong. That is superficial.
Sistah,
I read it twice. I keep looking for the break up part. A cheat, a lier, a drug addict. Come on now. Over your hair?
There is something terribly wrong. That is superficial.
It’s so hard to read this, as it’s one side of the story. Knowing Rocket Scientist, and knowing the other side of the story…
I wish I knew the other side of the story….
It’s so hard to read this, as it’s one side of the story. Knowing Rocket Scientist, and knowing the other side of the story…
I wish I knew the other side of the story….
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow is that such a big deal .i mean it is our hair ,i didnt realise that men can be so confortable with non-african hair type .
so how did you get with it ?I am not talking about your hair but with the fact that you break up with him ?
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow is that such a big deal .i mean it is our hair ,i didnt realise that men can be so confortable with non-african hair type .
so how did you get with it ?I am not talking about your hair but with the fact that you break up with him ?
I’m proud to know you, Rosetta.
I’m proud to know you, Rosetta.
Lauryn Hill once said, “Everytime we submit our will to someone elses opinion, a piece of us dies.” I’m glad that u didn’t let of piece of who you are die. Love is unconditional…continue to be happy!
Lauryn Hill once said, “Everytime we submit our will to someone elses opinion, a piece of us dies.” I’m glad that u didn’t let of piece of who you are die. Love is unconditional…continue to be happy!
I swear the only thing I’ve seen men have huge hang ups with is hair. Every time I talk about changing it, they freak out.
I’m glad you’re still happy… you’re a great inspiration on how to stay true to yourself and that is the only way to really be successful in a relationship.
I swear the only thing I’ve seen men have huge hang ups with is hair. Every time I talk about changing it, they freak out.
I’m glad you’re still happy… you’re a great inspiration on how to stay true to yourself and that is the only way to really be successful in a relationship.
Lots of great comments here. After giving this some thought beyond my initial outrage, I’m also of the mind that it had to be something besides the hair. He comes off as more sensible than that. And you just don’t spend time with family like that and then end it over the way you choose to wear your hair. Being chemical free should not affect your relationship and the love I thought you two had for each other.
So at this point, it’s on him to man up and let you know what the real issues are. And um, isn’t that what the visits were for? Issues like this?
Anyway, I’m 110% sure that this isn’t the last of it. You’ll hear from him again. Perhaps this is just a bump in the road. If not, it happened. It was beautiful and I think you learned a LOT about what you need.
I also applaud you for standing strong and I’m quite sure you handled it better than I did!
Lots of great comments here. After giving this some thought beyond my initial outrage, I’m also of the mind that it had to be something besides the hair. He comes off as more sensible than that. And you just don’t spend time with family like that and then end it over the way you choose to wear your hair. Being chemical free should not affect your relationship and the love I thought you two had for each other.
So at this point, it’s on him to man up and let you know what the real issues are. And um, isn’t that what the visits were for? Issues like this?
Anyway, I’m 110% sure that this isn’t the last of it. You’ll hear from him again. Perhaps this is just a bump in the road. If not, it happened. It was beautiful and I think you learned a LOT about what you need.
I also applaud you for standing strong and I’m quite sure you handled it better than I did!
Wait, what? I am I the only one who is really confused here?
Sweetheart, say it was something besides your hair…
In any case, I say give him a few days. He sounds like a wonderful man, besides all this hair stuff, and I think he will rebound from a momentary mind meltdown. Lord knows, I’ve had mind melts before. My husband and I always get through them (with lots of apologies, of course!).
And, I guess if he doesn’t, you go on. You look very beautiful!!!
Wait, what? I am I the only one who is really confused here?
Sweetheart, say it was something besides your hair…
In any case, I say give him a few days. He sounds like a wonderful man, besides all this hair stuff, and I think he will rebound from a momentary mind meltdown. Lord knows, I’ve had mind melts before. My husband and I always get through them (with lots of apologies, of course!).
And, I guess if he doesn’t, you go on. You look very beautiful!!!
I’m glad you stayed strong. He’s ridiculous.
I once dated a guy who threatened to break up with me if I locked my hair. What was interesting was that when he met me I had a relaxer, then I cut it all off and went natural. He loved my tiny fro, but he really got upset when I started talking about dreadlocks. Eventually, he gave in and “let” me lock my hair. What actually happened is we broke up, and I made a decision to do it anyway. He knew he couldn’t come back and try to change stuff around.
Some women are really concerned about the texture and length of their hair. About whether a natural will be a man repellent. That hasn’t been my experience. I just attract men who are usually from Africa or the Caribbean which is fine with me. I don’t have time to worry about a man who wants something that’s unnaturally me. Even with straight hair, I’m still black, real black. If he wants something more Eurocentric, then it ain’t me anyway.
I’ll keep catering to my base.
I’m glad you stayed strong. He’s ridiculous.
I once dated a guy who threatened to break up with me if I locked my hair. What was interesting was that when he met me I had a relaxer, then I cut it all off and went natural. He loved my tiny fro, but he really got upset when I started talking about dreadlocks. Eventually, he gave in and “let” me lock my hair. What actually happened is we broke up, and I made a decision to do it anyway. He knew he couldn’t come back and try to change stuff around.
Some women are really concerned about the texture and length of their hair. About whether a natural will be a man repellent. That hasn’t been my experience. I just attract men who are usually from Africa or the Caribbean which is fine with me. I don’t have time to worry about a man who wants something that’s unnaturally me. Even with straight hair, I’m still black, real black. If he wants something more Eurocentric, then it ain’t me anyway.
I’ll keep catering to my base.
*sigh* i can’t believe it came down to something like your hair. i think it’s wonderful that you’re going natural. i couldn’t do it and i applaud anyone that can! rock the puffs for me!!!
*sigh* i can’t believe it came down to something like your hair. i think it’s wonderful that you’re going natural. i couldn’t do it and i applaud anyone that can! rock the puffs for me!!!
Hey lady,
Don’t know ya, but I hope you are doing well post-break-up. A few thoughts…
I dealt with a lot of opposition from my family and a few men when I decided to go natural 8 years ago. But it turned out to be one of the best choices I’ve made. I LOVE MY HAIR. NATURAL HAIR IS SOOO BEAUTIFUL!
It’s kind of sad that our hair is still such a big issue in 2010! I really don’t get it. But I’m really happy you decided to make your own choice despite what your family/ex-boyfriend felt about it. A lot of women would not do that. It shows how strong and confident you are.
Obviously I don’t know all of details surrounding your break-up, but regardless of whether or not you two get back together, maybe one day he’ll realize that you are beautiful with natural hair. Maybe he’ll realize he was nuts to think otherwise. If not, oh well! You know you’re beautiful and somebody else will know too! Many many Black men love and appreciate Black women with braids, locs, fros and all that stuff.
So to sum it up, your ex-man is CRAZY not to think you’d be FINE AS HELL no matter what your hair looks like. lol
Best to you,
-Victoria D.
Hey lady,
Don’t know ya, but I hope you are doing well post-break-up. A few thoughts…
I dealt with a lot of opposition from my family and a few men when I decided to go natural 8 years ago. But it turned out to be one of the best choices I’ve made. I LOVE MY HAIR. NATURAL HAIR IS SOOO BEAUTIFUL!
It’s kind of sad that our hair is still such a big issue in 2010! I really don’t get it. But I’m really happy you decided to make your own choice despite what your family/ex-boyfriend felt about it. A lot of women would not do that. It shows how strong and confident you are.
Obviously I don’t know all of details surrounding your break-up, but regardless of whether or not you two get back together, maybe one day he’ll realize that you are beautiful with natural hair. Maybe he’ll realize he was nuts to think otherwise. If not, oh well! You know you’re beautiful and somebody else will know too! Many many Black men love and appreciate Black women with braids, locs, fros and all that stuff.
So to sum it up, your ex-man is CRAZY not to think you’d be FINE AS HELL no matter what your hair looks like. lol
Best to you,
-Victoria D.
As my mom would say “there’s a lesson in everything.” All I can see is bravo for not giving up on your hair journey and staying true to your “happy.”
As my mom would say “there’s a lesson in everything.” All I can see is bravo for not giving up on your hair journey and staying true to your “happy.”
If he cares about you, he’ll be back — straight hair, afro hair, or no hair. You know who are you are and what you were put here to do. Remember that.
If he cares about you, he’ll be back — straight hair, afro hair, or no hair. You know who are you are and what you were put here to do. Remember that.
wow… you know, in keeping with the year of happy, i’m learning to cull the lessons & focus on the good that came of these situations. y’all had a wonderful experience, & i still rejoice by living vicariously through your experience. you are still my hero diva!
wow… you know, in keeping with the year of happy, i’m learning to cull the lessons & focus on the good that came of these situations. y’all had a wonderful experience, & i still rejoice by living vicariously through your experience. you are still my hero diva!