Just one week after I got back from Europe, me and the Pianist ended our relationship. I was the one who initiated the breakup conversation, though in the end it was a mutual decision. I felt guilty about ending something that, just one month ago, I had been so excited about. I felt like I was shutting the door on romantic possibility. I felt like I was letting him down after he had been so sweet to me.
But I had to face the truth that I simply did not want to be in the relationship anymore. Even while I was in Europe, my mind had begun to drift elsewhere. I missed him, but I wasn’t exactly ready to come running home. In my head, I was already sketching out my next solo trip or maybe even pursuing a path to teaching English abroad.
When I came back, all I wanted to do was be alone and focus on myself, not on anyone else. I could tell that the Pianist was hurt, but he would have been even more hurt if I had waited until we were a year into it.
Every time I thought about having The Talk, I would chicken out because I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes.
I had to keep reminding myself:
It’s OK to change your mind.
When you know you don’t want to be in a relationship, a job, or even a particular city any longer, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to STAY there.
Just because you’ve chosen one path, doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind and pursue a different one instead at some point. Nothing is permanent unless you want it to be.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, you can end it. You can break up, separate, get divorced. The fact that you made the decision to be with someone at one point in time does not mean that you have to continue down that road if the love is gone.
If you are in a career field that no longer lights your fire, you can get a new job or even start your own business. If you have a job now, chances are, YOU CAN GET ANOTHER ONE. It might not be the perfect transition, but it could lead the way to work that you actually like doing every day.
There’s power in knowing that you can change your mind at any time. You can wake up tomorrow and completely reset your life.
Now, I’m not saying that changing your mind is easy. Uh uh. No way. It’s not.
People will say things like:
“Well, why did you get into the relationship in the first place?”
“I thought that was your dream job. Isn’t that what you went to school for?”
“You just moved there. How can you be ready to leave so soon?”
“You just have no idea what you want to do with your life, do you?”
Don’t be surprised if you end up questioning your own feelings right along with your friends and family. It’s tough to admit that the big decision you made this time last year is now causing you nightmares.
In those moments of doubt, however, it helps to realize that staying on a path that is bringing you misery is worse than enduring the effort it would take to change it.
Is it time for you to change your mind about something in your life?
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
Rosetta, I love your blog. I agree 100% with this post but I also have to add that sometimes discomfort is a part of the journey. Sometimes we can’t trust our feelings and emotions. For example my parents we’re married 23 years before my father passed and sometimes my mom was unhappy – but she says that the happy days outweighed the bad days. I think we should listen to our gut feelings because thats our compass for life but we shouldn’t be so driven by our emotions that we drive everyone or everything away. Love your work though! Very thought provoking!
This is so true! Once I stopped considering what others would say/think about the choices I made to be happy, accepting change became easier for me. I no longer think “changing my mind” is an illegitimate reason for why I’m choosing to live my life the way I want to live.
Read my latest blog post…From Single Mother To WAHM: My Experience With Motherhood
Yep…I admit that after my vacation with the hubby, I am beginning to rethink the relationship. I think I am changing my mind. I wanted it to work even after his infiedlity, but on this trip, something happened. I realized that we are so different I really don’t see him fitting into my life. Our interests are so vastly different. He is too self absorbed and I am tired of being the giver, the planner, the one who keeps us on track. I want someone who gives just as much as I do. I am going to have the break-up discussion too.
Breaking up with someone, especially a spouse is a huge decision. One thing I’ve learned to do over the years is to trust my gut, my intuition. I’ve often found myself in situations where mentally I felt like I *should* stay in the relationship because he was a “good catch” or because other people thought we made the perfect couple. What’s been difficult for me is listening to the little voice inside that says “no, this person is not right for you.” Sometimes, feeling frustrated in a relationship is a temporary issue, but if it’s a recurring gut feeling, then I know it’s time for me to leave. Wishing you peace in your decision.
Rosetta,
I have been trying…I really have but there is too much mistrust there now. I find myself questioning everything he says or does, looking for ulterior motives, and just genuinely not being happy with the relationship. I am praying for guidance and unfortunately, God keeps telling me to be still.
Read my latest blog post…Never Forget.
Love the post. Taking an alternative route is at times difficult, paralysing even.
Great article! It is refresing to see encouragement that people have permission to live thier lives on their own terms.
This is why I love your blog. Your blog posts/ life experiences speak directly to what I am currently experiencing in my life. Just last week my brother was at my place in Atlanta. He was visiting. He was commenting on how great the city was and when I told him I was considering moving, feeling like my time in Atl has ened. His response was, “Let a little grass grow under your feet.” I laughed to myself and secretly thought, that may work for you brother, but this is my life.
“Love yourself enough to _____” is always a power-filled phrase. Add action to it and you have a perfect combo devoid of regrets.
Change can often be uncomfortable. But as the blog post title says, it’s okay to change one’s mind. All a part of this journey called life.