I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern. Whenever I come across something new that might improve my life – a new idea for my business, a potential new man to date, a new strategy for improving my health – I first try to talk myself out of it. I come up with all the reasons why it’s not gonna work, why I’m not the right person to do it, why today is just not the right time to do it. I come up with some kind of vision of why I know for a fact that it’s gonna fail. Most of the time, though, I can shake off all the self-doubt and procrastination and just do it. But sometimes – sometimes I succeed in talking myself out of it.
There goes that damn lizard brain again.
Like right now, I have a major crush on this nonprofit dude that my friend introduced me to a while ago. He’s 100% chocolate and 100% my type. Most importantly, he’s passionate about the work he does for the community. I tell myself I’ve never dated anyone in my professional circle before because it can get weird when you have to see them at conferences if it doesn’t work out. And besides, I have no idea if he likes me back, even a little. So I haven’t done anything about it. After all these years of dating, I still haven’t figured out how to approach a man unless I know for sure that he’s feeling me – which usually means that I wait for him to make the first move.
So for now, the part of me that looks for a way to say no is winning. At least until I can figure out a way to say yes.
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Hi Rosetta. Hope you are feeling powerful and blessed.
Maybe I am being a little too cautious here, but, there very well may be a good reason for not leaping to yes! Our past experiences, common sense, ability to reason all indicate that not all impulses are in our best interest. This is going to sound waaaaayy traditional, but, there is some merit in allowing the man to make the first move and putting the onus on him to pursue you, if interested. First, it helps to establish clear roles in the relationship, it abates your fears of being too forward, it reassures you of his interest and leaves the ball in your court for how far, if anywhere, dating him goes. When women pursue a guy (ie. hit on him first), I have found that it typically lads to the guy always being the one who is pursued in the relationship (emotionally, physically, mentally) and upsets the natural order of things. I know your other readers and yourself may disagree, hopefully nicely, but, it's how I feel and just thought I would share. He has seen you as many times as you have seen him. And if he wants to make a move, he will. If he doesn't, don't waste your time trying to convince him otherwise. Simply be your wonderful shining self—anyone who doesn't want to know more about you is not worth pursuing. Stay lifted!
I dated a co-worker before for about 2 years. It was not a bad experience and we stayed together for a while after she left the same place. No one at the job knew except 2 people who arbitrarily found out and then I swore them to secrecy. Since the lady I dated was very attractive and no one knew we were dating, it was interesting hearing other guys (thank god not girls) talk about how she looked. It was cool though. (BTW. Some still don't know) We decided to keep it a secret. Be carefull on dating a co-worker. Make sure they are mature to date a co-worker and make sure the communication is clear on things and how you want to proceed with it.
Hi Rosetta. Hope you are feeling powerful and blessed.
Maybe I am being a little too cautious here, but, there very well may be a good reason for not leaping to yes! Our past experiences, common sense, ability to reason all indicate that not all impulses are in our best interest. This is going to sound waaaaayy traditional, but, there is some merit in allowing the man to make the first move and putting the onus on him to pursue you, if interested. First, it helps to establish clear roles in the relationship, it abates your fears of being too forward, it reassures you of his interest and leaves the ball in your court for how far, if anywhere, dating him goes. When women pursue a guy (ie. hit on him first), I have found that it typically lads to the guy always being the one who is pursued in the relationship (emotionally, physically, mentally) and upsets the natural order of things. I know your other readers and yourself may disagree, hopefully nicely, but, it’s how I feel and just thought I would share. He has seen you as many times as you have seen him. And if he wants to make a move, he will. If he doesn’t, don’t waste your time trying to convince him otherwise. Simply be your wonderful shining self—anyone who doesn’t want to know more about you is not worth pursuing. Stay lifted!
I dated a co-worker before for about 2 years. It was not a bad experience and we stayed together for a while after she left the same place. No one at the job knew except 2 people who arbitrarily found out and then I swore them to secrecy. Since the lady I dated was very attractive and no one knew we were dating, it was interesting hearing other guys (thank god not girls) talk about how she looked. It was cool though. (BTW. Some still don’t know) We decided to keep it a secret. Be carefull on dating a co-worker. Make sure they are mature to date a co-worker and make sure the communication is clear on things and how you want to proceed with it.