“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” — Morrie Schwartz
So I’ve been online dating for the past 10 years. Yes, ever since I was 17 and there was Blackplanet and the Black Voices chat room on AOL. But, for all those years, I still never really took online dating for serious. Not, like I’m looking for a boyfriend online serious. It was always an exercise in finding guys to take me out on dates and not thinking much more beyond that. Of course, many of my relationships sprouted from those dates, but I certainly didn’t expect it going in. I just wanted to have fun. In 2006, I definitely didn’t expect to end up with a fiancé from Yahoo Personals (which has now merged into Match.com). You just never know what’s gonna happen.
Ready for Something New
But. It’s been seven months since the breakup and so far, I’ve been dating off and on pretty casually. I wasn’t sure when (or if) I’d want to get back into any type of committed relationship after that. A lot of people will say they’re not really “looking” for a boyfriend/girlfriend but I ain’t gonna lie man, I miss the companionship that comes along with that. And I’m at a point in my life when the whole casual just to be casual thing is more like a waste of time for me. If you’re going to invest your energy into something, it’s so much better if there’s a possibility of it turning into something real. She’s Savvy said it best: I don’t need any new friends.
Inspiration from Lisa Linehan
And then there’s Lisa Linehan, the woman who created Project Husband to find the love of her life by February 15, 2011. Or bust. While I’m not pressed to walk down the aisle any time soon, Lisa’s boldness inspired me. She wants a husband and she’s committed to finding one!
Extreme Online Dating
Most of my dating life, I’ve waited for men to come to me. Now, I’m going to them. I go after everything else I want in life, why not men? Even now, I’m on Match.com and OK Cupid, but I don’t put a whole lot of time into it and haven’t been very proactive in approaching men that I’m interested in. But all of that’s about to change.
So I’ve decided to embark on an extreme online dating experiment. Dating experts say you should spend at least 30 minutes a day visiting online dating sites in order to have real success in meeting quality people. I chose four sites to focus on, so I’ll probably be spending more like an hour a day online to browse profiles, send messages and respond to messages. Other ground rules for the experiment:
- Go on at least two dates a week.
- Meet potentials in person within a few days if we vibe online and over the phone.
- No boring first dates like dinner and a movie. The point is to have fun, not be interviewing each other!
- Also be more open to meeting men “in person” and giving out my number at social events.
The Sites
(Someone asked me about Craigslist. I may do a mini-experiment there at some point, but for now, I’ve got my hands full with these!)
Chronicling the Journey
Of course, I’ll be reporting back on my experiences and sharing the tips and lessons I’m learning along the way. You should subscribe to my blog so you can stay updated on my posts and follow me on Twitter if we’re not already connected!
Overall, I’m excited to be taking this bull by the horns. I’d like to have a steady Friday night movie date again. It’s not so much a matter of if, though, but when. And that’s the fun of it! I mean, I feel like once you succeed at one change in your life, you can change anything. This year, I changed my job and my hair. So far, so good. Now it’s time for my love life.
Anybody wanna join me?
Much love to @NeoSoulAlterEgo who is also inspiring me to switch up some of my old dating habits for new ones. She’s embarking on a dating experiment too and I love her energy!
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I’m totally joining you.
My friend just wrote these inspirational words to me:
“I think meeting the right person is just a matter of luck, which can be tough because there’s no way to predict when it will happen. What I can tell you is that when you do meet the right person, it will be easy and natural, and things can progress very fast (especially at this age). I have no doubt that you’ll meet some incredible man who is everything you’ve been hoping for, and who will appreciate and love you for the beautiful, talented, caring, fun person that you are!”
I loved what she wrote so much that I’m passing these inspirational words along to you and all your single readers.
Good luck to all of us!
Read my latest blog post…There’s hope.
I love those words + I love that you shared them here. Thank you. Your friend is very wise
Good story. I like your project idea also. Thanks for sharing your real life story with us.
There are many peoples who are got married through online dating.
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You know I’m I don’t know about you, you love me when I meet you, you leave me when I fall in love with you.
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I like your project idea. When I decided that I was ready for a real relationship I prayed and asked people to stand in faith with me. I met my fiance on CraigsList here in the DMV in October 2007. He’s a great guy, open, warm, kind, loving, funny, and the best travel companion a girl could have. We are getting married in the next few weeks. Good luck to you girl and stay positive and happy.
Thanks for sharing your story! I think there’s power in putting your desires out there into the universe. And now I might just have to add Craigslist to my plan
HBW, here’s my story on Love Jones Lane.
http://www.lovejoneslane.com/must-like-travel-a-2-0-black-love-story/
How exciting! I’m inspired by your ability to just go after what you want in life. I’m not into dating, but I’ll certainly tune in to your updates. Don’t forget about us single chicks when you get bunned up!
)
I am so excited for both of us! Just the energy of being creative and new about our dating lifestyles is keeping me excited!
Good luck and best wishes to you! Can’t wait to read more! xoxo
I look forward to reading about your adventures. @BusyDating is doing the same thing. Check her out if you haven’t already.
I saw something about a labor day special…hmm… I wonder how many Philly men are on that site….
<–I'm cheap. LOL Fine print: *Renewal Details: Your subscription will automatically renew every 6 months for $41.94 starting on 03/05/2011. (Note: Automatic renewal may be discontinued at any time from your account page.)
Okay, so I will do it, I just need to cancel on 03/04/2011. LOL
What! I should've waited to join Black Singles then LOL
Oh wow…so I went to Black Singles and they have a Labor Day Special. You can sign up for 6 months for $20.00!! *Going to read the fine print.*
See, this sounds good…but here in Austin…when I sign up for these sites, I see the same tired folks that I've already met
I will check out a few of the ones that I haven't seen though…
Oh wow…so I went to Black Singles and they have a Labor Day Special. You can sign up for 6 months for $20.00!! *Going to read the fine print.*
What! I should’ve waited to join Black Singles then LOL
<–I'm cheap. LOL Fine print: *Renewal Details: Your subscription will automatically renew every 6 months for $41.94 starting on 03/05/2011. (Note: Automatic renewal may be discontinued at any time from your account page.)
Okay, so I will do it, I just need to cancel on 03/04/2011. LOL
See, this sounds good…but here in Austin…when I sign up for these sites, I see the same tired folks that I’ve already met
I will check out a few of the ones that I haven’t seen though…
I'm so excited for you! Be safe(watch the weirdos) and have lots of FUN!!!
Yaaay!!! I think this is great and I can't wait to read about the adventures, the stories, the craziness and the fun!
yay! this is going to be so much fun for you. i hope you have more luck than i did with match.com! i should turn those stories into a blog post.
I absolutely believe in love and have been blessed to still love my high school lover. However, I have seen some of my single girlfriends want to give up. There are good men out there!
Aww, does that mean you don't believe in love anymore? I actually don't think anything ever happened to love…I think we can find it wherever we look for it. To me, love is a choice, just like happiness.
I applaud you for still believing in love and going out to find it. You go girl!
I’m so excited for you! Be safe(watch the weirdos) and have lots of FUN!!!
Yaaay!!! I think this is great and I can’t wait to read about the adventures, the stories, the craziness and the fun!
yay! this is going to be so much fun for you. i hope you have more luck than i did with match.com! i should turn those stories into a blog post.
I applaud you for still believing in love and going out to find it. You go girl!
Aww, does that mean you don’t believe in love anymore? I actually don’t think anything ever happened to love…I think we can find it wherever we look for it. To me, love is a choice, just like happiness.
I absolutely believe in love and have been blessed to still love my high school lover. However, I have seen some of my single girlfriends want to give up. There are good men out there!