Reset Your Life Day 11: Eliminate a Limiting Belief

This post is Day 11 of the 31 Days to Reset Your Life Challenge. Learn more and sign up for the program here.

A recurring theme that I’ve noticed during the past week of the challenge is that many of you found it difficult to really envision yourselves living your ideal life. Some of you have a hard time believing that it can happen for you because you don’t deserve it or feel there’s something else lacking about you that will make it impossible to achieve. So, what I wanted to share with you today is a technique that I have used recently thanks to a post by Steve Pavlina.

Steve shared the Morty Lefkoe method of eliminating limiting beliefs on his blog. Basically, it is a free, online, video-based program that helps people rethink the beliefs that may be holding them back from living life to the fullest. The program addresses three of the most common limiting beliefs:

  • I’m not good enough.
  • I’m not important.
  • Mistakes and failure are bad.

I chose to eliminate the first belief: I’m not good enough. I struggle with perfectionism and always needing to be busy all the time. And I’ve always known that it stems from some sort of belief I have about myself that says “I need to be absolutely perfect at everything I do or I won’t matter.” I just didn’t quite know what it was. What I did know was that it was keeping me from relaxing and taking risks in certain areas of my life.

After going through Morty’s program, I realized that my need to over-achieve stems from incidents that occurred when I was a child and have stuck with me throughout my adult life. When I completed the program, I felt liberated and free from that feeling of having to “prove myself” to the world. I hope that you will find it useful to your journey as well.

Day 11: Eliminate a Limiting Belief

Go to Morty Lefkoe’s website and sign up to eliminate at least one of the limiting beliefs listed. Once you do that, you will get instant, free access to the online video program designed to help you eliminate that particular belief. Note: Today’s exercise will take about 45 minutes. You will also need to keep an open mind during the program to make progress. The idea is to choose one or more of the limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from either envisioning your ideal life or keeping you from taking the necessary steps to make it happen.

When you’re done, tell us about which belief(s) you chose to eliminate in the comments! What was your experience? Do you feel you were able to eliminate or diminish that belief or does it still linger?

Note: If you blogged about today’s assignment, please post the link in the comments so we can read it!

Heads up: Tomorrow’s exercise will require you to assemble some art supplies. We’re going to create a vision board! You’ll need:

  • a cork board, posterboard or small canvas
  • some magazines
  • markers or paint
  • some thumbtacks, pins, glue or tape
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52 comments

  1. Pingback: How to Downsize Your Living Situation, Reduce Your Expenses and Make Room for What You Really Want | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life + Business

  3. I eliminated the belief that mistakes and failure are bad. I have struggled with relationships, and always felt like a failure at them. Now that I am single again i think maybe the men I had relationships with weren’t a right fit for me.

  4. I’m still having a little bit of difficulty fully wrapping my brain around it, but I get the gist of the distinction between me as CREATOR of my beliefs and me as the creation/sum of the beliefs I created based on how I interpreted the way my parents (and, undoubtedly, others) acted towards me. I feel it’s something I’m going to have to let marinate… but, again, the basic principle that I decide what I believe and what is true – which actually is that anything is possible – is helpful and empowering. I do feel less vulnerable and susceptible to getting down on myself because of circumstances and better able to focus on what I can do and *what I’m already doing* to get closer to what I want – to my ideal life. Good stuff.

  5. I am not good enough is the belief that I eliminated. I found the concept of the video helpful. When I look back to my childhood, I can honestly say it wasn’t my parents who gave me this belief. It was when I tried hard at something in school and still didn’t have the highest grade. In my adult life, I think about how I feel after a job interview. If I didn’t get the job, I would say “Well, I’m not good enough for the position”. I think I’ve always had the belief that I’m not the best so there will always be someone prettier or smarter. Even when someone told me I was good at something, I would dismiss the compliment easily. I will work hard to continue to eliminate this belief. My mantra tells me that God has given me power so I’m going to continue to recite that until it becomes my belief.

  6. My limiting belief was not being good enough. After viewing the video I understood that it was mostly my interpretation of what I thought my parents were saying to me when I did something wrong or not as they wished I had done it. These thoughts were carried with me through some of my life in dealings with other people or relationships. I understand that I cannot please everyone all the time and I really don’t have too. If I allow the thoughts of others to control my life then I cannot move forward. I know that I was born equipped to do what I put my mind to. Events really don’t have a meaning unless I allow them to have a meaning, which in turn gives me certain feelings. I am the creator of my beliefs. I choose what I believe about myself. I choose to believe that I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

  8. I focused on the “I’m not good enough” video, and I felt just a huge ah-ha/lightbulb moment/shift. I even took notes as I listened and spoke aloud. I’ve sorta known these things before, but it’s always good to remind yourself that things have the meaning that we give them. There have been many events in my past where the belief “I’m not good enough” crept in and created a situation that I did not want. Events such as the ending of a relationship all the way to self-sabotage when I’m going for something that I want. This exercise will help me to eradicate this beliefs (and others) completely.

  9. I chose “I’m not good enough” and yes in the beginning i felt embarrassed to even say it out loud (alone) in my own home. But by the end of the excersise i really do feel like the statement means nothing and its not something that will hold me back. I am good enough and i cant make my dreams a reality, i am the creator of my life. I believe taking these steps like the 31 Reset, doing the exercises and working toward a better me shows and proves just how good i am and can be. Thank you Rosetta although its tuff work Im really beinging to grow and take steps to a happier heatlhier me.

  10. I’m just going to post exactly what i wrote in my journal on the day i did this. I was kinda “thinking out loud” (or writing out loud i guess!) so some of it may seem disjointed.

    My limiting belief is “I’m not good enough”.

    Events have no meaning until you give them one. e.g. if i had planned to stay home and do nothing and it rained, i wouldn’t think anything about the rain. But if i were in a country suffering a drought, i would think that same rain was good. However if i were planning a bar b q i would think that rain was bad. In all events, it is the same rain, but it is what )I( feel about it that gives it meaning.

    I am the paintER of my life, not the paintING.

    in any situation i must step outside myself and look at the meaning my feelings are giving the situation. I must then look for interpretations other than my own immediate feeling. My first feeling/reaction to a situation may be inaccurate or just not true.

    So i did a lot more thinking about this – about my chosen responses to situations. This is a gigantic factor (if not the ONLY factor) behind all my issues in life. here is what i learned about myself:

    when something happens that i don’t like, my response is to feel one or more of three basic things:
    Mad = angry
    Bad = Depressed/worthless
    Sad = upset

    Then I have to look at WHY i have chosen one of the above, and it always boils down to one of 5 things; The thing that happened/was said made me feel:
    Stupid
    Fat
    Ugly
    Boring
    Worthless

    Of course what this program made me realize was that it wasn’t the person or event making me think/feel those things, i was choosing to feel them by choosing to put that meaning on it. And i could choose NOT to feel them. And that realization was empowering.

    So i would take an individual event and look at it objectivly. the (VERY basic) internal dialoge would go something like this:

    ME: “I feel bad”.

    VOICE IN MY HEAD: Why do you feel bad?

    ME: “because X happened and it made me feel worthless”

    VIMH: Are you worthless?

    ME: “No, because of X, X, and x. I am not a worthless person”

    VIMH: So now you know you can choose not to feel depressed about being worthless, because you yourself have just pointed out why that is not true.

    Thats basic, but thats it. I can do the same thing for every other scenraio in my life.

    i call it my NAD system, because i take the MAD/BAD/SAD feelings, and then NAD them. Which means to Neutralize And Destroy. I neutralize them by taking them out of context and looking at why i feel them, then i come up with all the reasons that is untrue so i destroy them (its also cool and not coincidental that NAD is the first 3 letters of my name lol)

    There was more to this, but i shortened it to post it here!

  12. Limiting Belief – “I’m not important.” – Although the online exercise did not entirely eliminate this belief, it has diminished it and given me information to think about further so that I can do more work on eliminating this false belief.

  13. I didn’t make it all the way through the video, but I did eleminate
    a belief.

    While going through this process I realized that my belief that I’m  
    not good enough for love is the result of my father’s absence in my  
    life growing up.  Spending those adolescent and teen years as an  
    awkward girl, was tough.  I didn’t have dad there to tell me I was  
    beautiful and that some day some man would be crazy in live with me.   
    I went through high school completely dateless.   I grew past awkward  
    and gained self esteem but the whole idea of love & relationships has  
    never been the best thing in my life.  I denied for years that an  
    absent father could impact my relationship-oh boy he does.
    Now i know that I’m lovable, worthy, and good enough (just right  
    enough) for love.

  14. I found the video to be really helpful. Ok, so I felt like it was a bit cheesy at first ;) but the most powerful thing for me is that it created a *rational* path towards an optimistic point of view. So much of my negativity comes from my overdeveloped affinity for reason, and too often “self-help” methods employ (what to me feels like) a blind optimism that serves to annoy me more than anything else!

    Lol, I really liked that the method itself is as analytical as I am, and that at the end of it I could feel like the empowered feeling I had was *sensible.*

  15. Mistakes and failure are bad.

    The lefkoe method worked for me to the point i thought that it would

  16. “Mistakes and failure are bad.”

    Early in my life, I knew not to be a disgrace to my family. I tried my best to succeed at being favorable in my family’s eyes by making good grades, helping out at home and the community, being kind to others, and sharing and giving to others. I have many relatives; and just to hear about some of the things they (do as many children) do over and over by their parents was enough to make the loudest child completely shut down. So much, to the point where I was afraid to make a mistake. Sure, society may say it’s alright for children to make mistakes, but 75-80% of the time, the majority of my aunts and uncles would disagree. Of course, they wanted better for you, but to hear how they would go on was enough to shut the loudest kid down. Today, they have toned it down because everyone’s hard-working-some even successful; and some don’t believe they could have said such things.

    “Mistakes are bad.” I carried this belief with me into high school; and when I made it to college, I had thrown in the towel so much (believing that since I had made so many mistakes) that I took on this lackadaisical attitude about what was important. After while, I also began to believe that I wasn’t good enough because of the mistakes I had made.

    For me, this challenge was indeed freeing to have learned the things I heard as a youth could mean many things for them and mean absolutely nothing unless I gave the very things I heard meaning (though they meant nothing). It’s so crazy how a child carries this into adulthood and put the same pressure I had onto others!! I learned over time that it is ok to make mistakes; just because you make them doesn’t make you a failure.

    I’m glad to have eliminated this belief as well as take this challenge.

  17. O-M-frickin-G! I thought it was kinda lame at first but IT REALLY WORKED. It’s like a big light bulb turned on over my head. I said I wanted to eliminate the belief that I’m not good enough, and I swear it worked! The words sound so simple and I’ve heard them before but it’s so so true to me now– I create my life. I create how I feel and what meaning I give to events in my life. I have the power to either discourage myself or encourage myself. It’s all in me. Wow— amazing assignment. My whole way of thinking has totally changed.

  20. hmm…
    i think sometimes im too logical for my own good. i read the 3 options, and didnt really know which one to pick.

    i dont consider myself un-important because of the work i’ve done in the past (raised funds for kids charities, been a breadwinner/support to my fam at young age)

    i dont see mistakes as failures (i might in the beginning when its fresh..but since i’m trying to be better with putting my faith in God..i try to see them as lessons)

    so i picked the 3rd – im not good enough. there are definite situations when i feel that way, but not usually on a consistent basis. i tried to keep an open mind as the email directs, but when he starts talking about my childhood and my parents.. i just couldn’t keep with it.

    parenting is probably the hardest job on the planet, and being a widow with 3 kids, probably wasn’t easy. so anything that my mom did to me, she did for me. while i recognize that we are all products of our environment, she would have done me a disservice had she raised me differently.

    maybe im just too over-protective to blame her for any issues i have now.

    • this was the situation I was in… because none of these spoke to me or were consistent to my everyday. So, I admit I didn’t eliminate a belief, I didn’t even make it through all the videos.

  21. I had SUCH a difficult time with this exercise. I posted my response on my blog, but I’m keeping this entry private. Here are a couple of snippets:

    I started with the belief that I’m not good enough…

    During the last video: This pretty much sums up what I’ve always known. I have to say that this activity isn’t having the impact that I’d hoped. I’ve known that the events themselves had no inherent meaning. What I *need* is to know how to feel like I truly am good enough. I need to get beyond the idea that other people’s opinions will prevent my success. I’ve known for years – hmmm (Morty just said, “meaningless events can’t make you feel anything.”)

    …I’m feeling rather indifferent (?) at the moment. I understand what Morty’s saying, but it’s not clicking for me… I can’t say the behaviour is making me feel anything, but I still have this sense of not being good enough. It’s not about someone else; it’s a matter of ME not meeting expectations. I hope we get to that…

    I actually feel worse watching this video…

    So I tried the “Mistakes and Failures Are Bad” video. This one’s a bit better… Perhaps I was off-topic… “Not achieving something isn’t necessarily a failure.” – Morty

    The strange thing is, these videos have the same content/process, but Morty just replaces the name of the belief (with a few other tweaks). I dunno, but this one’s coming across differently. Still a bit abstract, but the information is clicking more. The funny thing is, I’ve always talked about how I’ve been afraid to make the “wrong decision”, which is what paralyzes me in the first place. THAT is what leads me to feeling like I’m not good enough. As Morty said, feeling like mistakes & failure are bad can lead to feeling like I’m not good enough.

    I can’t say that I’m feeling all that unlimited serenity stuff Morty is talking about, but I definitely have a healthier perspective on things. It’s really great that I’m reading the 4-hour work week. It’s having me go through a similar process: Ignoring the barriers & only visioning the life I want.

  22. I am usually very leery of these kinds of things, but going through the exercises has literally changed my life! I’ve only eliminated one limiting belief, but it was a biggie. It was something that kept me from everything I wanted. I would tell anyone I know to just try it. There’s real science and psychology behind it.

  23. I chose to eliminate Mistakes and Failure are bad. i feel i was able to eliminate the belief, and i also forwarded this website to my adult children for them to partake in. I feel liberated.

  24. Pingback: Reset Your Life Day 17: Find a Good Therapist | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life, Love & Business

  25. Pingback: Reset Your Life Day 16: Reflect, Comment and Connect | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life, Love & Business

  26. I’d been stalling completing this assignment because I’d already utilize the book, The Four Agreements which was recommended by fellow resetter, Jubilance. Like Tara and some of the other ladies have said these statements/beliefs are very real. I was able to change my mindset by realizing that others are not my judge. I began to tell myself others’ opinions are based on their environment, background, upbringing, etc. and really have nothing to do with me. They are not a reflection of me. It’s all about the person sharing their opinion. I am good enough because I am starting to do my best in every aspect of my life and that’s all I can do. I can’t do better than my best.

  27. I chose “I’m not important” and its a belief that held me back from pursuing various things even though I know that “I’m not important” is NOT true. Its something I assigned to meaningless events. At the end, through praying, learning and reflection I am strong – in Christ and I am IMPORTANT! So are You, you, You and you over there~

  28. Just finished this exercise; you can find the post here: http://truetooneme.livejournal.com/295465.html

    What’s interesting is that I did really experience a REAL shift until I started reflecting in my LiveJournal about it afterwards…I mean, I got what the facilitator was trying to do to get us to focus on the roots that began in childhood–which did help some; however, I felt myself dig up some stuff while I was about to write about the childhood stuff, which allowed me to really make the connection to what I’m going through today. The biggest thing he said that sticks with me is: “I am not my life. I am the CREATOR of my life.” That’s a huge one for me, because it makes me consider not only how important it is for me to shape my life, but how NECESSARY it is for me to do it, because it’s MY responsibility! Inspiration is nice, and instruction is helpful; however, at the end of the day I have sole responsibility for determining the “reality” I will experience. I get it, and I’m glad I did. :o )

  29. My main limiting belief was “I’m not good enough.” After completing the exercise, I realized that I am the creator of my destiny. My past beliefs do not equal my future. I can finally understand that my perception of a given situation does not have to equal my feelings of that event. I choose to speak life into my situation. I won’t allow someone else’s expectations dictate how I feel about my life. I’ve had a breakthrough.

  30. My limiting belief is “I’m not good enough”. It has limited me from doing so many things in life (excelling further at work, building meaningful relationships with women that I admire, etc..) We always hear that we should surround ourselves with people who are where we want to be or with people that are smarter than us. I’ve always been reluctant to allow certain people get close to me because I felt like I really wasn’t good enough or I feared that they come to know the “real me”, which there is really nothing to hide. I have flaws like everyone. My limiting beliefs are a result of being tagged as the bad child because my mother and I had a rocky relationship. When my sister and I fought when we were youger, I was always the vocal and more aggressive child while my sister was the manipulator. I was always fussed at because I wanted the last word. I always felt like I needed to justify my actions, while my sister would instigate and play innocent and rarely got in trouble. Until this day, I yearn for people to see the good in me. That may be why I’m always busy finding things to do and never feeling like what I’ve accomplished is good enough.

  31. I pick the “I am not good enough” video. After awhile I found it hard to keep focus. The last video was too long and the black & white text started to bother my eyes. I am sure by then end of this challenge I will be able to get rid of any of my limiting beliefs. I already see a change in myself.

  32. The limiting belief that I need to eliminate is I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

    This limiting belief has taken over my life- believe it or not. Professionally, I always feel like my work is not good enough. Even though management at work assures me that I am on the right track I always feel that it isnt a good enough confirmation. Also, after failing my CPA exam repeatedly it has really stripped me of my self confidence. In regards to my family, I strive to be perfect so that they are never disappointed in me. When relationships go sour, I find myself overanalyzing over and over again trying to figure our what I did wrong….SMH. You get the point :(

    I realize this behavior has to stop. In the past, I’ve used it as a coping mechanism…so the buck stops here!

  33. I wasn’t a huge fan of this exercise on the whole, but I do think that those three limiting beliefs are real and they have held me back at various points in my life. My main limiting belief is I’m Not Important. I can’t count how many times in the past month I’ve said this out loud to other people. While it may seem like a joke in the context in which I use it, I know that when I joke about it, it’s coming from a very real place. I want to challenge myself to stop saying things like this at work or to my friends and remember that I am extremely important and I should treat myself accordingly.

    • The thing that strikes me in reading everyone’s comments is EVERYONE seems to think some version of this! That alone is freeing to me. You are important :)

  34. Hola Ladies,
    My limiting belief is “I’m not important”. While I knew the majority of the concepts in this video(I have been to a therapist). I still found it helpful. I am IMPORTANT DARN IT.LOL

    • Shermaine that was my limiting belief as well. I thought it was something else, but after digging realized lots of my limitations were attributed to me not feeling that I was important!

      • yes! a similar thing happened to me, except i realize my “stuff” came from me thinking mistakes & failures are bad. i definitely analyze my life to death, but that usually happens on the front end so i can “prevent” mistakes. i can’t wait to see how things pan out for all of us!

    • Perhaps I need to check this video out as well. I believe that on some level, we all have believed this. This was my second choice but I stick with I am not good enoughy because the two areas of my life that I really want to work on are relationships & career.

    • Hey, that’s my belief as well. I’m glad I watched the video, too. It was helpful. I think I want to watch it a second time. Yes.

  35. I haven’t watched the video yet but it was really powerful? Wow! I’m doubtful but I’ll try it. My computer isn’t working and my friends won’t let me use theirs (they said I need a break from the computer/ writing to rest my mind lol). So I’ll check it out tomorrow.

  36. I’m gonna work on Day 11 on Day 12 since I already have a vision board that I made a week after I was fired from my job. BEST THING I EVER DID IN LIFE!!! I LOVE MY VISION BOARD!!!

  37. I opted to complete the “I am not important” video because putting the needs of others ahead of my own is an issue that I’ve had to deal with in my life. Itried it and while some of the information presented was useful, something about the experience lacked authenticity.

    I really appreciated the reminder about being the creator of my life and my beliefs and that I have the power to change both!

  38. Okay, I was able to get to the root of my limiting belief, which is “I’m not good enough.” Sadly, this is something that I have told myself so many times. My experience with Morty Lefkoe’s video was positive. It amazes me how I have allowed a belief to stagger my progress and how I felt about myself. Watching the video definitely allowed me to diminish my limiting belief. If I don’t give it power and a meaning, it will cease to exist. This was a tough exercise because it illuminated my insecurities and made me deal with why they existed in the first place.

    • It’s fine, of course, if the technique does not speak to you. It’s not for everyone, but if you do think it might help, I encourage you to give it another try.

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