Reset Your Life Day 18: Spice Up Your Love Life

This post is Day 18 of the 31 Days to Reset Your Life Challenge. Learn more and sign up for the program here.

Like the song says, baby, it’s cold outside. And it’s no better time to get back in tune with your romantic side than the present. Today, you will take steps to spice up your love life.

Day 18: Spice Up Your Love Life

Today’s challenge has two options: one for those who already have a partner and one for those who are single and looking for a partner.

Option 1: If you already have a partner or spouse, do something out of the ordinary. Do something you used to do when you first met or do something you’ve never done before. Do something romantic for no reason except that it’s Saturday. If you’re looking for ideas, I always find good ones on Lovingyou.com pertaining to love, romance, passion and sex. They also have a really fantastic list of date night ideas whether you want to stay in or go out.

I’ve also recently become really intrigued by the concept of tantric sex, which is a holistic way of approaching lovemaking that builds on sexual energy vs. always racing to the finish line.

Clearly, there are a million ideas out there to bring more spice into your relationship. Try one!

Option 2: If you want to find a romantic partner, you can approach someone you already like or find attractive and ask for their phone number or ask them out on a date. Or, you can sign up for an online dating service. If you’ve never tried online dating before, I’ve written about nine reasons why you should give it a chance. After experimenting quite a bit with different online dating sites over the past year, I have two favorites. I’ve gotten most of my dates from these and the quality of matches are better than on other sites, in my opinion.

I’ve also experimented with two sites that are specific to black singles:

These are both pretty active, meaning you will get a LOT of response to your profile, but you have to weed through these a bit more to find quality matches. But, I do have a lunch date today with a nice guy I met on Black People Meet. The site itself doesn’t matter really, since these days everyone is everywhere. Just pick one or two and put some time into it!

Here are a few more tips to maximize your online dating experience:

  • Upload at least two good photos of yourself (smiling!). At least one showing your face up close and at least one full body shot. If you don’t have any photos of yourself that you like, take some today!
  • Fill in your profile completely. Focus more on your likes than dislikes. Project a positive attitude and be specific about what you want or else you’ll get anything and everything.
  • If you’re interested in someone, send them a message. Winks, smiles, flirts, etc. won’t get responded to as much as an actual direct message or email saying you’re interested.
  • Stay logged in to your profile all day if you can (even if you’re not at your computer). When people see you “online” they will be more likely to contact you because they think they’ll get an immediate response.

When you’re done, tell us about what you did to spice up your love life in the comments! Also let us know if any immediate results have occurred, either with an outcome or simply a change in your frame of mind.

Note: If you blogged about today’s assignment, please post the link in the comments so we can read it!
Want more posts like this?
If so, subscribe below and join over 2,000 women who receive blog updates on personal development, entrepreneurship and lifestyle. As a bonus, you'll get a FREE COPY of my 13-page Life Mapping Workbook to help you design your ideal life in 7 key areas.

46 comments

  1. Hey everyone:

    I started the 31 Day Reset awhile ago and of course life took over. I am back and at Day 18. I met my boyfriend of almost 2 years on Match.com and we are moving in together in a month. Online dating can work. A lot of is really luck and timing. You can meet that special someone anywhere. My boyfriend and I are going on vacation for a week and we are going to try tantric sex. I am looking forward to feeling more connected. Very exciting.

  3. I actually completed this day early without knowing it. I joined ok cupid about a week ago. For some reason I just had this nagging feeling that I should try online dating. Everywhere I went it seems someone was mentioning online dating so I took that as a sign and signed up. I’ve been chating with two really interesting guys. Its actually exciting. I was hesitant at first because I didn’t want to come off as being desparate & I was afraid of what my friends and family would say. I no longer worry about those things….I just got to do me!

    Its great to hear positive stories from online dating as well. So many of you have found lasting relationships and that is really inspiring.

  4. I was a member of Black People Meet, met a few people, but nothing serious. I signed up for Ok Cupid the other day. I guess I will see what kind of connections there are. However, I am looking forward to meeting this brother that I met on Tagged. We have been conversing several months and plan to meet next month. Stay tuned….

    http://wp.me/p1D02I-T

  6. In reading through many posts for various activities, I have read people statements that exercises won’t be done.

    Today’s exercise is difficult for me, although I’m single. I can only think of one person that I mat be interested in having lunch with. The problem is he works in the federal bldg across from my job so essentially I’d have to sit in the bldg all day and hope he passed by. (strangely the last man that I trulyu cared for worked in the same bldg when I met him – 10 years ago}.

    On-line dating, I’ve tried eHarmony more than once. Went out a few times with a man I met there and then it just fizzled out really quickly (which was unexpected}. My profile is current with photos but I haven’t gotten a match in weeks and I’ve never gotten a reply from any guy I attempted communication with.

    I refuse to try free sites because I know that several of my co-workers use match.com and another uses blackpeoplemeet and I keep mu private life – just that. I simply don’t want our worlds to collide outside of work.

    What’s a woman to do??

    • Less than 12 hours after I posted that comment I see the guy I mentioned {in the Federal Bldg} and we exchanged numbers. We met months ago but didn’t have phones or anything to exchange numbers. This morning he let me know that he remembered the day we met and asked ifnonwas still interested in exchanging numbers, so we did.

  7. I had signed up for a dating site a while back. I removed my profile as I decided that I want to work on me and get some focus. So until I happy with me this is still on hold.

  9. Pingback: Reset Your Life Day 26: Reflect, Comment and Connect | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life, Love & Business

  10. Pingback: 31 Days to Reset Your Life: Recap and Reflect | Happy Black Woman | Personal Development for Success in Life, Love & Business

  11. When I initially read this, my initial reaction was “oh goodness! here we go”. Because I’m so conservative, I’ve been very uncomfortable with online dating. But in talking to @Jubilance1922, I’m getting to the point where I’m willing to give it a try. I got to take some pics for my profile and figure out what site (or two) I’m going to try. I’m really dreading this b/c of the stigmas attached doing this. But I got to do something in order to have a love life to spice up. So here goes.

  12. I met my current boyfriend on SinglesNet. I was new to Chicago and had recently got out of a relationship and thought I needed a little boost to get me out of my dating funk. After meeting a few people on both that site and Plenty of Fish, I almost decided to give up but my current boyfriend caught my eye and I decided to msg him and then eventually meet up with him. We’ve been dating going on 6 months now and I’m very optimistic about our future.

    Still relatively new, we haven’t lost much of the spice we had in the beginning. If anything, I think it has intensified as we’ve grown more comfortable with one another. He’s coming to NY to spend time with my family and I for New Year’s so I plan on taking him on a tour of NY of all the romantic hotspots, tourist attractions, etc. when he gets here. It’s out of the ordinary for me because he knows how much I HATE tourists, let alone becoming one myself but I think it would be special because one our first dates consisted of him giving me a mini tour of Chicago.

  13. So I officially have an OKCupid profile.. I will see where this go. I have a black people meet profile but I did not realize I needed to pay money (think that’s the one). I am all about FREE so I am sticking with OKCupid.

    • i have found okcupid to be the source of much hilarious fodder. my most recent boyfriend did manage to find me there before he found me on twitter, though. things have slowing been getting better… at the very least, enjoy it!

  14. I am currently taking a break from the whole relationship thing. I spent the past 3 years dealing with my son’s father and at this point I need to regroup! I feel like I almost lost myself over these past 3 years!!!!! *sigh*
    I so love the poem from “For Colored Girls” – “Somebody Almost Walked Off Wid All My Stuff”!
    That was me…someone nearly walked off with all of me…but I am still here and right now I am not willing to share any of me with anyone. I need time to get back to me – loving me…before I can love anyone else!

  15. I decided to go with Option #2, but change it up a little. I am going to turn my feelings for an ex-boyfriend into actions and I’ll let you all know what happens. : )

  16. So I left the house this morning, not looking cute at all. I wasn’t going far, just around the corner. Hair still wrapping with a scarf on, oversize hoodie on underneath my coat. I was going to the T-mobile to have them look at my blackberry since it stop working yesterday. I couldn’t do or connect to anything at all. A very nice and looking salesperson helped me. To my surprise he started flirting (so I guess I didn’t look that bad). He told me I should stop by again when my contract is up to get a my upgrade or to just say hi. It made me smile.

    I might check out that online dating, just need a new and fun photo of myself to get started.

  17. I’ve decided to take a break from dating. Over the last four years, I’ve gone through several relationships. None of them good for me but all of them a learning experience. I think I need a break now. Although I crave companionship, I think it is best that I become my own companion so that when the right person comes along, we will be a perfect match.

    • What a great realization. It’s so important to know when you need to work on you before you can have a productive relationship with someone else. I took a yearlong break after me & my ex-fiancé broke up in 2006 and it taught me a lot about myself. I can also say that the relationships I had after that were much healthier and fulfilling. Best to you :)

  18. Although my love life needs to be spiced up, I’m not comfortable with online dating. I’ve tried it before and it is not for me.

    I have my eye on someone & I am making a conscious effort to look & be approachable. Before the weather got so crappy I was doing a nice amount of going out and meeting people and flirting with guys.

  19. I met my current boyfriend on OKCupid and we’ve been together for about 3 months. I started online dating when I graduated college in 2007. I was an East Coast girl who moved to California and knew absolutely no one and I figured it was a good way to get out of my apartment. It proved to be that and more – I met lots of awesome guys, got to explore my new city, and had some meaningful relationships from it.

    Since my current relationship is pretty new, we’re still in that ‘discovery, honeymoon’ phase of dating. However, I still think there’s always room to explore new things. I’m a pretty sexually open person (have been forever) and I love scandalizing my friends by talking about all those things that ‘good girls’ aren’t supposed to discuss. The other day, I asked my boyfriend what apps I should download on my new iPad and he jokingly suggested a kama sutra app. While I’m pretty sure he was kidding around, I’m thinking it may not be a bad idea to check it out and see if there are any good tips for some new positions I haven’t tried yet. Seems like it couldn’t hurt any!

    • You are an inspiration to me…I just recently moved from Ohio to California and do not know anyone. I hope I will be as lucky as you in finding new friends.

  20. I got on OkCupid.com…I do not like online dating but I will try this one. I have previously tried plenty of fish and black people meet. I am not a fan of Black People Meet. It was a total waste of time. I don’t know what will come out of this but I am willing to try it.

  21. I’m single again and definitely giving dating a whirl. I’ve done a few things lately out of the box. I tried speed/flow dating a few weeks ago and that was pretty cool. I’m also making myself more approachable in general because I know I can be/seem pretty serious acting and I’m going out more in general. I’m also giving online dating a try again after a hiatus from it so I will see how that goes.

      • I was told I don’t smile enough at people and also putting my cell phone down which seems simple but people say I always look busy because I’m constantly on my phone checking emails, responding to people etc. So I’m learning to disconnect a little in that way in public. But for me really just smiling and something as simple as saying hello. Also looking up when walking and not down or to the side.

  22. I recently got out of a wonderful relationship for some extremely mature reasons but me and my ex are still great friends. It’s been difficult to deal with b/c no one did anything wrong, the relationship didn’t end b/c someone was horrible or cheatin or lying or anything it just had to. So its been difficult and as a result i’ve been dealing with a lot of resentment and anger towards the process in general. But sad, depressed, and angry just don’t look good on me.

    I’m naturally flirtatious and so I’ve lately decided to get back to being myself and it has certainly spiced up my life. I re-ed up my membership to match.com last week and have been getting my internet flirt on! I’ve asked guys out to lunch, hung out with a guy that’s been flirting with me (and getting ignored) for months.

  24. I’m a single gal too. I attempted to fill out the questionnaire to the eharmony site once and got frustrated and said forget it lol. I know a few women who have had great results with online dating and I loved Danni’s story. Honestly, I’m not really dying to date anyone right now. I may look into the online dating again when I’m ready though :-)

  25. Good suggestions. I’m single at the moment, but am using this downtime to increase my knowledge of all things sexy :-) .

  26. Hey everybody! I just have a couple of things to say..

    1.To those who are unattached good luck in finding your forever. Me and papi met on BlackPeopleMeet and although most of my other dates weren’t stellar I got my “one” out of the bunch so I can’t complain. Online dating still has a slight stigma attached to it but as far as I’m concerned it was SO worth it and who cares anyway :P For one I worked crazy hours, I was in school and I rarely “go out” anymore so I wasn’t meeting men I considered dating material often. Secondly online dating exposed me to a much larger pool of available men making a picky person like me happy :) I was resistant at first because papi lived in ATL and I was in Detroit but after a year of flying back and forth we decided to get hitched. This summer I packed up my life and moved to Georgia, got married and haven’t regretted this decision one bit.

    2.To my attached folks…all I’m going to say it PORN. LOL No really, probably one of the most exciting things we’ve done so far. Now this could include watching one OR making one ;)

    http://www.thecurlymisfit.blogspot.com

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.

*


CommentLuv badge