Last night I was getting just a little frustrated with the Men Who Ask for My Phone Number and Then Don’t Call Me for a Week, After Which Time I Have Already Forgotten Who They Are.
Then, my evening took a little bit of a twist. I’d “met” this guy online and we’d been emailing back and forth all week. I was the one who’d sent the last email, giving him my phone number for him to call me “when he got a chance.” I thought we were hitting it off – we’re both from Ohio, like many of the same activities, both have Master’s degrees in similar fields – yet my phone stayed silent.
Instead of a phone call, he sends me yet another email. I get it on my Blackberry. I look at my phone and groan out loud, wondering what part of “call me” didn’t he understand? Then I scroll down to read the whole thing.
He emails to say that before we go any further, he should tell me that he has a disability. Cerebral palsy, to be exact. I didn’t know what that was. I had to go look it up. He explains that it’s not debilitating. I mean he did go to grad school and he has a good gub’ment job. But, he warns, he does have a “slight slur,” and develops a limp when he’s tired. At the end of the email he puts his number and says I can call him to talk more if I want.
So here’s the scenario:
I got some interesting responses from some very smart and compassionate ladies who weighed in on Twitter.
What I did next was surprising, even to me. I’ll tell you that story in Part II, but first I wanna know: what would YOU have done?
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Very true – I've definitely had relationships with men who had “mental disabilities” and like you say, we all have them. I guess it would be a double whammy then to date a man that was physically disabled as well…
We are all “disabled” in some way but most of the time, it doesn't show. With a physical disability, maybe it's that you get to see it up front, and you have to make that judgment call right at the start of things. But other guys, they carry stuff too that changes who they are, and will impact relationships, but its the sort of stuff that you don't find out about until later on, when you're already involved. You could change the question to, “Would you date a guy who sexually abused?” or “Would you date a guy whose only female role models were bitter and angry women?” These would be disabilities of a sort, certainly something that would affect who this guy is, and maybe you wouldn't want to date that guy because of it. With a physical disability, there is the advantage that at least you know what you're dealing with from the start.
Interesting question, and it's never going to be an easy call.
We are all “disabled” in some way but most of the time, it doesn’t show. With a physical disability, maybe it’s that you get to see it up front, and you have to make that judgment call right at the start of things. But other guys, they carry stuff too that changes who they are, and will impact relationships, but its the sort of stuff that you don’t find out about until later on, when you’re already involved. You could change the question to, “Would you date a guy who sexually abused?” or “Would you date a guy whose only female role models were bitter and angry women?” These would be disabilities of a sort, certainly something that would affect who this guy is, and maybe you wouldn’t want to date that guy because of it. With a physical disability, there is the advantage that at least you know what you’re dealing with from the start.
Interesting question, and it’s never going to be an easy call.
Very true – I’ve definitely had relationships with men who had “mental disabilities” and like you say, we all have them. I guess it would be a double whammy then to date a man that was physically disabled as well…
Whatever you do, don't worry. Just be yourself… he's telling himself the same thing I'm sure Ha! From what you wrote I gather that he might be a little shy but he was brave enough to tell you the truth. I'm sure he's excited to meet you.
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Very interesting stories – I've never dated anyone in a wheelchair or with a limp, so it's helpful to hear about your experience. My main concern is that I don't want to feel sorry for him like you said. I also don't want to offer the “friend zone” as a consolation prize.
I would definitely call him. You never know if he might be someone that you want to move forward with if you never give it a chance. Besides there must be something about him that has made you email and even give out your number. To not call simply because he has a disability would be a cop out.
I would definitely call him. You never know if he might be someone that you want to move forward with if you never give it a chance. Besides there must be something about him that has made you email and even give out your number. To not call simply because he has a disability would be a cop out.
I can only speak for myself. I would give it a shot. I am actually more attracted to men with speech problems. I know, I'm strange. I don't mind a lisp or a funny voice… as long as he backs it up with a great personality and respect. I also have had many friends and co workers that were considered disabled. Getting to know them helped me realize that they have lives. They have feelings, desires and awesomeness that they would love to share with the world. I have always found it easy to overlook physical differences when it comes to dating. When I think back, I smile. Some of my best dates and meet n' greets were with people in wheel chairs or with limps.
Just make sure you turn off your 'slightly slower' chip. Don't go into it already feeling sorry for the guy. People hate it when you do that. He knows he's different. You don't have to act any different than you would with a guy that spoke fine or had no problems. Good luck. I enjoy your blog and look forward to hearing about your decision.
Oh, one more thing. Some folks are saying 'depends on the disability'. I have a hard time feeling that way. Once I met a guy (younger than me and off limits because he was a friends brother) and instantly fell for him. He was smart, funny, charming(surprisingly so for a young dude) and cute. We had lots in common and whenever I came over their house we'd play Halo all day and just joke around. Some of the best company I've had. Well, he had a severe spinal disorder. I can not remember the name. He was all crumpled up and could not do some things on his own. He was also in a wheel chair… a motorized one. I'm telling you this because despite all of his issues, I had a huge crush o him. As I mentioned before, he was too young for me and I did not want to date a friends little brother, but had he approached me online or on the street and we got to know each other I could totally see myself dating him… but yeah, sorry to type so much. I just enjoy sharing.
I can only speak for myself. I would give it a shot. I am actually more attracted to men with speech problems. I know, I’m strange. I don’t mind a lisp or a funny voice… as long as he backs it up with a great personality and respect. I also have had many friends and co workers that were considered disabled. Getting to know them helped me realize that they have lives. They have feelings, desires and awesomeness that they would love to share with the world. I have always found it easy to overlook physical differences when it comes to dating. When I think back, I smile. Some of my best dates and meet n’ greets were with people in wheel chairs or with limps.
Just make sure you turn off your ‘slightly slower’ chip. Don’t go into it already feeling sorry for the guy. People hate it when you do that. He knows he’s different. You don’t have to act any different than you would with a guy that spoke fine or had no problems. Good luck. I enjoy your blog and look forward to hearing about your decision.
Oh, one more thing. Some folks are saying ‘depends on the disability’. I have a hard time feeling that way. Once I met a guy (younger than me and off limits because he was a friends brother) and instantly fell for him. He was smart, funny, charming(surprisingly so for a young dude) and cute. We had lots in common and whenever I came over their house we’d play Halo all day and just joke around. Some of the best company I’ve had. Well, he had a severe spinal disorder. I can not remember the name. He was all crumpled up and could not do some things on his own. He was also in a wheel chair… a motorized one. I’m telling you this because despite all of his issues, I had a huge crush o him. As I mentioned before, he was too young for me and I did not want to date a friends little brother, but had he approached me online or on the street and we got to know each other I could totally see myself dating him… but yeah, sorry to type so much. I just enjoy sharing.
Very interesting stories – I’ve never dated anyone in a wheelchair or with a limp, so it’s helpful to hear about your experience. My main concern is that I don’t want to feel sorry for him like you said. I also don’t want to offer the “friend zone” as a consolation prize.
Very interesting stories – I’ve never dated anyone in a wheelchair or with a limp, so it’s helpful to hear about your experience. My main concern is that I don’t want to feel sorry for him like you said. I also don’t want to offer the “friend zone” as a consolation prize.
Very interesting stories – I’ve never dated anyone in a wheelchair or with a limp, so it’s helpful to hear about your experience. My main concern is that I don’t want to feel sorry for him like you said. I also don’t want to offer the “friend zone” as a consolation prize.
Very interesting stories – I’ve never dated anyone in a wheelchair or with a limp, so it’s helpful to hear about your experience. My main concern is that I don’t want to feel sorry for him like you said. I also don’t want to offer the “friend zone” as a consolation prize.
Whatever you do, don’t worry. Just be yourself… he’s telling himself the same thing I’m sure Ha! From what you wrote I gather that he might be a little shy but he was brave enough to tell you the truth. I’m sure he’s excited to meet you.
Yea..I would have called hime also. I would also date a disabled guy depending on the disability.
I would call him, and maybe even meet up with him. It would depend on the severity of the disability as previously mentioned. We could be friends at the very least.
Yea..I would have called hime also. I would also date a disabled guy depending on the disability.
I would call him, and maybe even meet up with him. It would depend on the severity of the disability as previously mentioned. We could be friends at the very least.
You called him. Will be interested to see what happened next.
I would have called him. You never know what lesson that man may be in your life to teach you. Reason, season, lifetime.
What did you do?
You called him. Will be interested to see what happened next.
I would have called him. You never know what lesson that man may be in your life to teach you. Reason, season, lifetime.
What did you do?