I can’t believe it’s already been five days since the breakup. It’s funny how time works. One minute you’re together and then, poof! The next minute you’re not. My mind won’t let me remember everything that happened the day we broke up – Superbowl Sunday. As if I needed another reason to hate football. If I hear one more person talking ’bout “who dat” I’m gonna scream on them. No joke.
I remember that he tried to say some nice parting words in the car as he drove me home on Sunday. He was talking about all the good times we had. He was telling me that he wished me the best and to give his regards to my family. It was like a scene from a really bad movie. It was as if for a moment he’d gone brain-dead. Your regards??? I wanted to scream. You spend eight months with my family and you want me to give them your regards??? I wanted to tell him to take his regards and shove them up his ass. Instead I said nothing. Instead I stared out of the window at the snow, wishing to God that the car would zoom backwards in time to the summer when we first met. Where we could start all over.
I forgot to eat for the first three days. I say “I forgot” not that I couldn’t eat because I really think I was fighting so hard to keep myself together that I literally put eating on the bottom of my to-do list. I slept in the same clothes I wore on Superbowl Sunday for two nights in a row. I couldn’t take a shower. That would mean that that horrible day had really happened.
I didn’t do much else for these past five days besides talk to family and friends about what happened. I take that back. I ate Blow Pops. I walked to the store in the snow and bought a big bag of Blow Pops. I ate those for three days. I drank bourbon and coke. And I cried. A lot. I listened to Corinne Bailey Rae on repeat. Also, Sade. Also, Sarah McLachlan. I worked harder than ever. I worked nonstop. Emails, projects, blogging. I was surprised I could think straight.
I also reactivated my Match.com subscription. I just needed someone to wink at me. I can’t even imagine dating anyone right now.
No one could believe the rocket scientist chose to break up with me over me going natural with my hair. But I’d been thinking the same thing as Vivrant Thang. It had to be something more than the fact that I decided to change my hairstyle. I just wished I knew what it was.
So I called him.
But first I wrote an email. It wasn’t an “I hate your guts and hope you burn in hell” email. It was more like a “how could you do this to me” email. To which he did not respond.
I called him yesterday morning at 6:30am because I knew he’d be up. He’s a ridiculously early riser. I had to get some kind of closure. He answered on the second ring. “Hi, Rosetta,” he said. Rosetta??? What happened to “sweetheart?” Then I remembered that I was no longer his sweetheart. I took three deep breaths. “Don’t tell me you broke up with me because of my hair. I can’t believe that,” I said. I spoke really loudly, like he had a hearing aid. It was the only way to keep from crying. He sighed. “No, that’s not the reason why.”
We talked for maybe fifteen minutes. He brought up some “personal demons” about his past that shed some more light on why my hairstyle change may have acted as a trigger for him to break up with me. I remembered that he’d dated a woman for two years once, then dumped her for no apparent reason. He said he needed to be single again for a while.
I felt like a casualty.
I wrote another email because Sade said that love is stronger than pride. I told him that we could work through whatever it was together. That we should talk things over in person. He said he had to think about it. Which I knew meant that he’d made up his mind. He called me this morning with the same, “Hi, Rosetta.” I shut my eyes tight. He said something about having to deal with his issues alone. He asked if we could be friends. Again, brain-dead. I started playing the lyrics to Deborah Cox and R.L.’s song “We Can’t Be Friends” in my head. I wanted to play it for him over the phone. We can’t be friends, ’cause I’m still in love with you.
I told him if he changed his mind, he knew where to find me.
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
Wow, this was my experience with a man off of match.com too! (named 737 newgen)We dated for 2 or 3 months and then bame, I’m not what he is looking for after we went to the Caribbean together etc..
My breakup happened in January, so believe me when I say after about 3 months it does feel better. The pain goes away and you see the breakup as the blessing it was meant to be.
Wow, this was my experience with a man off of match.com too! (named 737 newgen)We dated for 2 or 3 months and then bame, I’m not what he is looking for after we went to the Caribbean together etc..
My breakup happened in January, so believe me when I say after about 3 months it does feel better. The pain goes away and you see the breakup as the blessing it was meant to be.
Do Not give this guy another chance. Even if he changes his mind.
**The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
So he dated a girl for two years and dumped her? That’s his pattern, and he’ll do it again. Karma will get him.
You’re too classy, intelligent and pretty to wait on a man to decide if he wants to be with you. You’re above that. Your prince will come.
Do Not give this guy another chance. Even if he changes his mind.
**The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
So he dated a girl for two years and dumped her? That’s his pattern, and he’ll do it again. Karma will get him.
You’re too classy, intelligent and pretty to wait on a man to decide if he wants to be with you. You’re above that. Your prince will come.
Please tell me you are not waiting on him to change his mind… I have been in relationships where I have waited around for the guy to change his mind — in the meantime he’s off doing what he wants to do. He has made his decision to move on. And you can too. His “personal demons” are not yours to fix. From what you have described of him, he seems perfectly capable of working things out — either on his own or with a therapist. All you can do is wish him the best. He lost a good thing…
Please tell me you are not waiting on him to change his mind… I have been in relationships where I have waited around for the guy to change his mind — in the meantime he’s off doing what he wants to do. He has made his decision to move on. And you can too. His “personal demons” are not yours to fix. From what you have described of him, he seems perfectly capable of working things out — either on his own or with a therapist. All you can do is wish him the best. He lost a good thing…
it is not easy and i hope your familly is behind you
no one knows what is going to happened but try as you already do to keep focus on something like your list for 2010 for example to dont get deep in though
it is not easy and i hope your familly is behind you
no one knows what is going to happened but try as you already do to keep focus on something like your list for 2010 for example to dont get deep in though
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1st – Don’t let me or anyone tell you what you need to feel. You’re an amazing woman and I’m proud of you for handling it so well. My advice is to not get hung up on his excuses.
2nd – (in my opinion) You and this man are not on the same level. He does not deserve another chance with you unless he ever gets on your plane. There are other fish in the sea.
Take care – you are an inspiration.
{hug}{hug}{hug}
1st – Don’t let me or anyone tell you what you need to feel. You’re an amazing woman and I’m proud of you for handling it so well. My advice is to not get hung up on his excuses.
2nd – (in my opinion) You and this man are not on the same level. He does not deserve another chance with you unless he ever gets on your plane. There are other fish in the sea.
Take care – you are an inspiration.
I want to say you’re giving him too much room to stomp on your pride despite what Sade says and I want to say that you might regret all this in hindsight but I know the truth and the truth is the first week or two is like hell.
You talk more to yourself than you do to others and you swear you didn’t try hard enough or wasn’t being open to the challenges. The crazy thing is that some of your family & friends will think you’ve literally gone crazy but it is a process. Folks married or in long-term relationships will say sly things and shake their head in pity too.
Been there. Done that. It sucks but you won’t give it a 2nd thought eventually.
I want to say you’re giving him too much room to stomp on your pride despite what Sade says and I want to say that you might regret all this in hindsight but I know the truth and the truth is the first week or two is like hell.
You talk more to yourself than you do to others and you swear you didn’t try hard enough or wasn’t being open to the challenges. The crazy thing is that some of your family & friends will think you’ve literally gone crazy but it is a process. Folks married or in long-term relationships will say sly things and shake their head in pity too.
Been there. Done that. It sucks but you won’t give it a 2nd thought eventually.
Wow Rosetta. I just stumbled across this. You are so amazing for being so open about your life, it’s got to be cathartic. Try and keep things open like your probably trying to keep your heart open. He probably does have some issues and mabye your the person to help him work throught them, mabye your not… Deep down you know you’ll be wonderful but it doesn’t stop the pain, I know all too well. Peace to you my love. Nurture yourself please, you still love yourself.
Wow Rosetta. I just stumbled across this. You are so amazing for being so open about your life, it’s got to be cathartic. Try and keep things open like your probably trying to keep your heart open. He probably does have some issues and mabye your the person to help him work throught them, mabye your not… Deep down you know you’ll be wonderful but it doesn’t stop the pain, I know all too well. Peace to you my love. Nurture yourself please, you still love yourself.