When I Worry About Going Broke

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Someone asked me if I ever worry about going broke. The answer is an unequivocal YES.

It’s been two years since I’ve been working for myself full-time. And cashflow still seems pretty unpredictable.

Sometimes I don’t have enough work. Sometimes I have more work than I can handle.

Some months I don’t make enough income. Others I make more than I need. (Having multiple income streams helps to even this out.)

***

Winter is the slowest time of year for my business. It has been this way ever since I starting speaking and consulting as a side hustle in 2008. While it was all fine and good to have a dip in income when I had a full-time job, now that I work for myself it scares the hell out of me.

When too many weeks go by without me getting a hefty enough check, these are the kinds of things that go through my head.

Oh my God, it’s been 2 weeks. I’m never going to get another client ever in life. 

Maybe my prices are too high. Maybe they’re too low.

What’s wrong with people? Why aren’t they buying my stuff? My books are useful! My speaking inspires new ideas! My coaching sessions help people move to the next level! Right? Right?!

***

Despite the fear, I make myself keep going. I make myself do one thing every day, even if it’s just writing a blog post, sending an email, or following up with a new connection.

I should be familiar with fear by now – the panicky feeling in the pit of my stomach, the lingering sense of dread when I get up some mornings, wondering if I’ll make a sale or book a client or get a check in the mail. I know how debilitating it can be. Right now at this very moment, there’s a big project on my plate that I haven’t worked on for months, even though I know that finishing it will mean a new source of income for my business.

Fear is brutal when you let it beat you. And the fact is, sometimes it wins. But sometimes, you do. Either way, the battle has to be fought on a daily basis.

As an entrepreneur, I’ve learned that both success and failure are impermanent. If business was a boxing match, you would never win the belt. On Monday, you might get a few jabs in, but by Thursday you’re up against the ropes. On Friday, you wake up feeling bruised and groggy, yet lucky you get to live to fight another day.

***

When I’m centered enough to sit still and breathe, this is my mantra during the rough patches.

Fear flows through me but it is not me. I am bigger than fear. I am beyond fear. Fear does not define me. I am not fear.

When I take care of myself enough to think clearly, I do what I know works.

I create. I serve. I connect.

I blog. I network. I ask for the sale.

I remember that there is no “can’t.”

The universe does the rest.
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22 comments

  1. Pingback: Four Reasons Why You Don’t Need a Sponsor | Happy Black Woman | Helping Women Design Their Ideal Lives

  2. As someone who hasn’t yet quit my full time job to work for myself, this was great for me to read. Thank you.

    Though I’m finding in today’s corporate environment, that even paychecks are no longer as steady as I once believed them to be. There are rumors of layoffs, actual layoffs, rising healthcare costs, reduction in benefits, changes in company structure and organization. It seems as though there is less and less stability in business everywhere, and so employees and entrepreneurs alike are learning a whole new set of skills to manage the ups and downs.

    Have a grateful day!

    Chrysta
    Read my latest blog post…Keep it simple with one word goals

    • Great points about the corporate environment. Nothing is as secure as it used to be, that’s for sure. I think that may be why folks are calling 2012 the “year of the entrepreneur.” There’s no better time to make your own way than when everything is so uncertain. Uncertainty brings opportunities to be bold, brave and disruptive. Thanks for stopping by!

  3. *laughs* I can relate to this and I’m broke right now…
    Waiting for delinquent client to pay me, + a more trustworthy client to pay by Thursday. But, I basically have less than $20 right now. I can get by since Asia can be super cheap when I need it to be.. but usually I eat out every day. I need to reevaluate budget.

    It’s comforting (or scary?) to know that someone with more experience doing this on their own still experiences the same thing.. I just started out a little over 6 months ago with a very bumpy ride. But last month and this month are looking to be the best *so far*… when I get paid! Thanks for writing this. :)
    Read my latest blog post…What Will Matter?

  6. Lovely post. When I get a passing worry about not having enough clients I play the “what’s the worst that could happen” game. I do this to remind myself that I’m never going to be that bad off. (My worst is usually ending up living in my parents basement or something and feeling pathetic lol)
    Read my latest blog post…2012 Hair Update

    • I love that game :) The worst for me is never total devastation (we all have a tendency to exaggerate these things in our mind, don’t we?), just a lot of hurt pride.

  7. Hi,

    I’ve thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog and It’s one of my absolute favorites. I made the leap to jump in full-time in 2007 (5 years ago this month) and I felt the same way in the first 2-3 years of my business. One of the things that helped me was to ground my purpose in the spiritual. I work as a certified style coach and wardrobe consultant and when I went into the Bible to research how my services serves the highest good, I found so many scriptures that support my purpose. You can read here http://www.ayofashola.com/2011/12/a-new-focus-for-2012/, When I discovered this, I realized that my work was founded in truth and when you discover that, you can fully surrender. Surrendering is actually the scariest thing to do. I learned that I needed to just focus on having fun and doing what I love to do i.e. connecting with others, helping others, serving others, loving others and being present with others and when I focused on this…focusing on the outcome and the experience that the client/customer was satisfied, God focused on the income. I’ve got the eviction notice a few times early in my career, had to downsize, scale back, buy less but all this means is that you become forced in a way to live according to your true values. Whether you have a lot or a little, the work STILL needs to be done. I feel grateful and honored that I am still here, no matter the income highs and lows, to do the work I have been purposed in my heart to do.

    • What a beautiful comment. Thank you for sharing from your own experience.

      Going into business for myself has taught me a lot, but what I am learning now is exactly what you said about seeing your work as service and staying in alignment with your values. I was able to turn down a lot of work that was NOT in alignment with my values in the past year because I reduced my expenses. It was scary, but I’m glad I made those choices. It left me open to greater things for 2012!

        • Another thing if I may add is to change the mindset that Winter is the slowest time for your business. What you believe, you will achieve. If you believe its the slowest time, it WILL be your experience. I’ve learned from experience that although IT IS the coldest time, Its the best time of the year for people to make changes in their lives that way when spring and summer comes, they can rock and roll.

          January and February are times when I have to make more phone calls, reach and and connect more, have more one on one, make more referrals to others. REALLY REALLY help others grow their business. Its actually hard work, but the benefits pay off around spring/summer. Always think of sales as a 6 week cycle. If you want business in January/February, the prep work of phone calls and presentations has to have been completed by October/November for them to buy in January. We can all learn better skills on how to become more strategic.
          Read my latest blog post…Jeans that Look Great on Everyone

          • That is a great strategy and a perfect reminder about mindset. I was thinking that the speaking part of my business has historically been the slowest because there are few winter conferences in my industry. But last year I started to do more marketing of my other services toward the end of the year, so now I have more coaching clients to make up for the dip in speaking income. I’ll be trying out the one-on-one sales method with potential speaking clients for the next few months, so it’s encouraging to hear that it has worked for you!

  8. This post was very timely. I always wonder if I will ever come to a point in my journey where I will stop being afraid of the changes I must grow through. I’m learning that my fear is apart of who I am, and instead of looking at it as a hindrance, it is something that allows me to probe deeper ,to seek meaning, and to continually conquer which builds character.
    Read my latest blog post…2011 Oh What A Year!- Part 2

    • I love what you said about fear being a tool for personal growth. I was talking to someone a few weeks ago and he said that whenever he feels fear or resistance around doing something, it’s a good sign that he should probably do it.

  11. Thank you so much for posting this. I’m a dating coach and I’ll be taking the plunge to go full-time in my business this coming June, so I think about this kind of stuff all the time. As a matter of fact, it’s the main reason why it’s taken me so long to make the leap. But I’m finally ready.

    So I commend you for moving and living beyond the fear and living your life the way you want to live it. A great example of how life should be lived in my book.

  12. This post is my life. I’m just starting the best part of my life and I’m full of doubt and what ifs, but wondering where the money will come from scares me the most. I will be ok, thanks for letting me know that I’m not alone.

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