Why I Don’t Celebrate Christmas Anymore (or How I Gave Up Christianity and Finally Found Religion)

This year is the first year that I haven’t been all “Yay, Christmas!” and the main reason is because I’ve finally come to terms with the realization that I no longer identify as a Christian. (Nevermind that the whole concept of Christmas has nothing to do with Jesus anyway, and has basically become an economic driver for America and one of our biggest displays of materialism and waste.)

This is not, however, a sudden decision. For about two years, under the “Religious Views” section of my Facebook profile, I’ve simply had the following phrase:

Love is my religion.

It was partly in reference to the Ziggy Marley song of the same name, but it was mostly letting people know that I wasn’t really committed to any specific denomination and to express my openness to having friends of all religious beliefs.

But for the most part, I was still opted-in to the basic ideals of Christianity, mainly John 3:16, the scripture that undergirds the entire religion. Over time, though, that became problematic since I had a really hard time committing to the idea that anyone who did not believe that Jesus is the Messiah would be doomed to hell. What about my Muslim, Buddhist, Jewish, etc. friends who were beautiful, generous, loving people living extraordinary lives and helping others along the way?

So, I have to take it back a little to figure out how I began to lose my zeal for Christianity and the fellowship I had been a part of since I was a small child. I’ve always loved the music and the pomp and circumstance of the black church experience. I was the kid who didn’t have to be dragged to Sunday school by my mom and grandmother. I loved going and I loved learning about how I could become a better person through worship and acts of kindness.

But then I grew up. I went to college and studied philosophy and religious studies and literary theory and in the process, read the entire Bible front to back at least three times. As an adult, I was shocked by how completely I had blindly believed every word in this text that was highly contradictory, violent and derogatory toward women.

Although I continued to enjoy the worship experience for the most part, I also began to see how manipulative and judgmental many of the church leaders and parishioners could be. The entire service seemed designed to bring you down and then raise you back up again. To tell you how effed up your life was, how disobedient and sinful you were and how the only way you could redeem yourself was to repent and give the church 10% of your money. It was often very critical of other religions as well as the gay community and to me, that was the total opposite of the whole “God is love” thing.

At some point I discovered that I was truly “on the fence” about being a Christian. I was picking and choosing parts of the Bible that made sense to me and rejecting the parts that didn’t.

Which meant that I didn’t really believe in it at all.

Needless to say, Christianity just doesn’t serve my spiritual needs anymore. And now that I’ve removed that particular belief from my life, I actually feel closer to people I meet because there’s one less barrier where I’m wondering if they’re saved or going to hell because they don’t believe the same thing I do. I feel incredibly free and more aware of my own self-worth and purpose on this earth.

But just because I don’t identify as a Christian doesn’t mean I’m an atheist. Far from it. I’m not even Agnostic. I still believe in God. Truly, madly, deeply. And I don’t knock anyone else for being a Christian. I’m just saying it doesn’t work for me anymore. I’ve finally been able to define who God is for myself and I feel more spiritually connected to the world now more than ever.

What I’ve come to in my own spiritual journey is that God is simply another word for unconditional love. And that love resides in all of us. I believe our goal in life is to seek that love and to share it as fiercely as we can with the world, every day of our lives.

It’s hard to put into words, but this is really as close as I’ve come (so far) to a statement that reflects my current beliefs:

I honor you. I honor the place within you where the entire universe resides. I honor the place within you of love and light, of peace and truth. I honor the place within you where, when you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us. Namaste.

I came across this saying sometime about a year ago and it has stuck with me ever since. I think it comes from yoga philosophy. And although I’m not a yogi, it sums up how I intend to operate in the world. This is exactly what I want my life to be about, and I’ve finally realized that I don’t need Christmas or any of the other tenets of Christianity to believe in God.

All I need is love.

P.S. I know that I have a lot of Christian readers, so please don’t take this as an indictment of your religious beliefs. Hear me when I say that this post is totally based upon my own lifestyle experimentation and personal experiences with alternative routes to spiritual fulfillment. I deeply honor the place in you where there is love and light and peace and truth because I believe that is where we can all connect.
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28 comments

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  3. Thanks for sharing Rosetta and being open and honest about your beliefs. Continued success on your journey Queen!

    I am a Christian, born and raised, however not until I developed a RELATIONSHIP and stopped following RELIGIOUS rituals was I free. This did not take place until about 2005 when I lived in Indiana. Living in Indiana was my spiritual awakening. (Yes even in the cold-LOL!) Before 2005 I pretty much did whatever the hell I wanted to do, because there was NO way I could be Ms. Perfect. I also did not understand how all these “super saved” people were going to heaven and they were dealing with the same problems I had and then some. HA!

    As a Christian I am in total disagreement of the ill treatment of gays and others who struggle with other missed marks. I’ve always felt in the back of mind that people who mistreat gays are in someway masking a personal challenge with homosexuality. Now do I believe homosexuality is correct-NO, but I will NOT speak or treat gays ill as some feel they have a RIGHT to do. (Where they do that at?) (Check yourself!) If that is the case I would be DEAD for being an adulterer, whoremonger, liar, alcoholic etc, etc.

    I believe a pertinent key to Christianity is good teaching. Notice I said teaching and not preaching, because the hoop has not helped many of us-me included. I am thankful for my place of worship, because even though I am convicted for some my challenges, I now understand I can overcome those challenges. Our Pastor is only a year older than I (under 40) but he is WELL beyond his years and he does NOT use manipulation or sell folks pipe dreams to line his pockets. He deals with REAL life issues and we talk about them open without judgement or condemning.

    I pray each of you success on this journey as you find your way to being the salt and the light this world desperately needs. May your light shine!

    Zakiya!
    Ms. Queenly and Confident
    Read my latest blog post…JOY

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  5. I just commented on one of your tweets regarding this and I can’t believe that I missed this post on your blog. I recently adopted the same feelings regarding Christianity. Like many Black children in the 80′s I grew up going to church and although I slacked off for a few years as an adult, I always went back. However, within the last year I started noticing some of the manipulative and judgmental things that you mentioned in your post about churches and the people who fill them. The real test came when I started to realize that a friend of mine (who I’ve known since the 3rd grade) would always find a way to try to make me feel bad for not going to church. Then one day it hit me that she didn’t think that my opinions, how I felt, how I lived my life and who I was was good enough for her because I wasn’t spending my entire Sunday in church. The judgments hurt me because I know that I’m not perfect, but damn I’m not a bad person either! Ultimately, I had to end the friendship. I didn’t feel like I was obligated to explain myself to anyone. May be I’m wrong.

    I do believe in God and I still read my Bible to get inspiration and guidance, but I don’t use that as my main source of inspiration and encouragement. I’m done limiting myself. That being said, kudos to you for posting your feelings on this issue and giving me a chance to vent :)

  6. I feel the exact same way about Christianity right now. I was raised in a Christian home and as an adult I’ve tried to grow in my relationship and faith in Christ. I moved out of my home city a few months ago and this is the first time I’ve experienced an individual experience as an adult. I only went to church a few times since I moved and I just felt like it was serving no purpose in my life.

    Before I moved, I was in a very troubled place mentally and emotionally and now that I’ve been able to come to a place of peace and happiness without going to church or reading my bible I’m wondering what purpose Christianity serves in my day to day life, I’m happy and at peace without it.

    I still believe in God and I still want to believe in salvation through Christ mainly because the thought of going to hell for eternity scares me and also bc ive had “supernatural” spiritual experiences so I feel God and Jesus are real I just dont know how to make it fit into my life. And yes, the whole culture of church and Christianity these days also bothers me a lot..I just dont know man. In the mean time im just focused on my personal happiness, goals and dreams.
    Read my latest blog post…Africa is a CONTINENT– NOT A COUNTRY

  7. Thank you so much for sharing this story, for being so open and honest! This is why your blog has become one of my favorites. :) I stumbled across this post reading some of your others. I noticed that in your natural hair posts, you speak much about your family’s reaction to you going natural. Did you have similar experiences with your family regarding your choice to no longer practice Christianity? How do you negotiate Christmas time? Thank you again for sharing this with us.

    • Thanks for reading, Jeanna! My family actually freaked out more about me going natural than they did about me not being a Christian anymore. I view Christmas as a great occasion to spend time with my family, not much more than that.

  8. Hello,
    First I would like to say I just came across your website and I absolutely enjoy it. You have such wonderful information of substance. Thank you for the time and effort you put into it to share with others.

    Second, I would like to thank you for your honesty. It is peoples ability to be honest that helps others grow. I, myself, and a believer in, and a follower of Jesus Christ. I have also been faced with the questions many others face, and I am thankful to have a peace with regards to what and who I believe. And one thing I had to realize, it was/is not my job to judge anybody. For any reason. It is my responsibility to love my neighbor, whom ever that may be. So I look forward to getting to know you, and learning from you.

    Stay encouraged in everything that you do.
    Read my latest blog post…Helen Kincaid replied to Abby – Isaiah 40:30-31′s discussion ‘Dealing with a Separation.’

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  12. WOW. This post definitely resounds loudly to my journey. I am a Christian but I’m moving away from a denominiation. The journey is the same and I’m still learning more and more about myself because of it. I appreciate your openness. I wish more people would be so and just accept each other as people first.

  13. Seriously…as the new year approaches I have had similar thoughts…I believe in God and his love and currently I attend a Christian Church. I enjoy going to church and being in the presence of God…praising his name and hearing the word…reading the Bible which has brought questions to mind…for several reasons I have decided not to place myself in a category but to accept my own personal beliefs and not condemn others religious beliefs…reading this post made me feel as though you were taking the words out of my mouth and speaking for me…recently I have had these thoughts and spoke to a close friend about them…I have learned the type of individual I am and how I see the world and how I interact with individuals and realize that I truly believe those words “LOVE is my religion” :) Thanks :)

  14. I am muslim so do not exactly relate, but am glad you still believe in God in your own way

  15. I didn’t even finish the whole post before i had to comment that I could relate and agree 500%!! I feel the same exact way about Christianity and have friends of all faiths. I respect anyone’s right to praise what/whomever they want but also respectfully exercise my right to feel the way I do. Thank you! Thank you for such a candid article!

  16. Wonderful piece. I self identify as a Christian and I don’t take offense to anything that you wrote in fact I agree with a good bit of what you said especially about appreciating and respecting friends of other religions that are still great, wonderful, loving and extraordinary people. I think that’s where a lot of people tend to fail is not respecting people for having their own thoughts and ideas even if they are different from your own.

    I think some of the ways I achieve spiritual fulfillment would get the side eye from some people that are Christians as well but what works for ME is most important.

  17. Wonderful post, and I appreciate your honesty. I’ve had a very similar evolution in my beliefs. In fact, I believe that my disillusionment with religion added to a serious bout of depression and anxiety that I went through for many years. I felt outside of the will of God because many of the beliefs that were taught to me growing up didn’t feel true to
    I love the quote you referenced from yoga philosophy. The quote that pretty much sums up my spiritual beliefs is: “Love is what we were born with, and fear is what we have learned here. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear, and the acceptance of unconditional love back into our hearts.” – Marianne Williamson

  18. Kudos for such an insightful piece. Virtually the entire world understands joy, pain, laughter and love (as they see it)). Truth is of all of these things, LOVE intensifies and may cause them at different times. it is the greatest gift of all.

  19. this is me 120%. I went through many struggles with my dearly departed mother after she became “churchified” because then it became her mission in life to “churchify” me and I wasn’t having it. I’ve felt as you’ve described for many years (pretty much my whole life) in regards to religion in general and christianity in particular, but still celebrated Christmas, until the last couple of years. Christmas, as most Americans celebrate it, isn’t really a Christian/religious holiday anyway – just an excuse for rampant consumerism. when I decided to stop participating in that (in combination with the passing of my mother) Christmas as a whole just became less important to me. today is a day like any other, in my book. if you wish me “merry christmas,” I’ll return the sentiment, but I’m not trippin’ about it. to those who do celebrate Christmas as part of their Christian religious beliefs, no disrespect. my “religion” on facebook has always said “live and let live. love and let love.” that’s what I believe in.

    • That’s another one of the things that often bothered me about Christianity as well. I felt like I was supposed to go out and “churchify” everyone so they could go to heaven with me. But it always seemed kind of creepy to talk to strangers about the afterlife.

  20. great read! i’m not 100% sure where i stand at the moment, but your experience & reasoning ring very strongly for me. i used to be what i call a “superchristian”, even despite majoring in religious studies & seeing all the conflicting info, etc. over the past year or two, though; i haven’t been able to resolve my internal conflict over everything that the church seems to stand for these days. i know there are good churches out there & christians who are awesome, but i don’t even believe that the bible as we know it is even accurate after so many years of manipulation & translation. overall, yahweh asks us to love: the god-spirit, ourselves, & each other. that’s how i operate, too.

  22. For a long time I went through the same thing, then finally three years ago I made the decision to let go of Christianity and start practicing Buddhism. It was the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve grown so much spiritually and I see things from a much more broader perspective. I identify with your statement about feeling closer to people. This is what happens when we let go of the things (such as judging or comparing) that keep us from connecting with others.

    This is such a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing!

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