We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting the laundry. – E.B. White
There are a lot of people in your life that, for whatever reason, see fit to tell you what you should be striving for in life. Most of the time, they mean well. They actually want you to be happy, they just don’t know how to help you besides offer advice that you probably don’t need.
My mom (especially as she gets older) seems to think I will be happy when I finally settle down with a husband and her grandkids kids. Although she is supportive of my current lifestyle, I think she views it as a phase that I’ll grow out of, kinda like when I was 12 and would only eat Trix cereal for breakfast. Maybe she’s right. But what she may not see is that I’m pretty happy with how my life is right now.
My aunt liked to have a heart attack when she came to visit in January and saw that I had big-chopped my natural hair. Again. “But it was getting so long and pretty,” she said sadly, stroking my hair in nostalgia.
My sister freaks out as usual when I tell her I’ll be moving to Charlottesville, VA for a month after I leave Baltimore. Charlottesville is one of my favorite cities and I’ve been there to visit for the Virginia Festival of the Book every year for the last 10 years. This year, I figured I might as well see if I could stay a while longer and I’m happy it all worked out. ”Why do you keep moving around so much?” my sister asks. “Because I want to,” is all I say now. It’s all there is TO say, really.
If I lived my family’s version of happy, I would be working full-time for someone else; have long, relaxed hair; be married to a tall man with a good government job; working on my first baby and be living in one place for the rest of my life.
The danger in living someone else’s version of happy though, is that while it may feel good to have their approval, you can end up following all the steps they tell you to follow and then wonder why you still don’t feel fulfilled in your life. You might make choices based on someone else’s hopes and dreams for you, then end up resenting them once you realize that those choices only sidetracked your life and took you further away from your hopes and dreams.
I don’t know what’s best for you, but I do know that it’s hard to go wrong when you trust yourself. When you design your own vision for how you want your life to be, you’re able to tap into desires that you may not have been able to see or feel before. You’re also better able to release your attachment to other people’s approval by taking responsibility for your own goals.
Maybe your life is just fine the way it is now. Maybe you really don’t want to find a husband or go back to school or get a “real” job, like everyone is saying you should. Maybe your only goal in the world is to wake up every morning with gratitude that you’ve been blessed to live another day. Maybe, for now, you want to just be.
And maybe that’s OK.
Whatever makes you happy is what’s right for you. It’s important to remember that.
It’s important to remember that your version of happy is the only one that matters.
happyblackwoman
happyblackwoman
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This repost is right on time for me. After recently leaving a stressful yet secured job to begin working on my passion, I found myself doubting my decisions and wondering if there was a way to create happiness inside of a structure that hinders my passion but beings security. Doubts come even more seeing people that have “made it” doing it the good ol’ fashion way. However, I don’t think I have ever been this happy in my life, financially unstable and all LOL because God has been right on time this whole time.
THanks for the post:)
This is what I had to come to grips with with my family. I’ve always wanted to strive for happiness within myself regardless of how my family felt. However, it was so difficult to accomplish this. Just as you’ve stated I would be the one that is not being fulfilled. The feeling of going around in circles is not a good one. Once, I decided to leap out on faith to accomplish happiness within myself regardless of what my family thought. I became a happier person…I appreciate life, my husband, my kids more. I give all thanks to God.
I really loved this post. This is exactly what I am dealing with now and what I’ve been dealing with from my family for the past 5 years. They refuse to accept that I am happy with how I’ve chosen to live my life, even though it doesn’t model their expectations of me. I traveled all of 2011..London, Nigeria, DC, Chicago, now I’m going to Philly to hang out with girlfriends and on to London again. I’m enjoying my life right now. I just told my mom I will be going to London and her first question to me was, “Are you stable and secure? Do you have a place, an apartment?” and I’m like, ah, lol, “NO!” She wasn’t too happy about that. She reminded me I’m 32 going on 33 (she loves rounded my age up) Oh well..life goes on. I’m learning to just love where I am. Love the journey. It all works out. When I’m ready for more, I’ll have more.
Thanks for reminding me that I’m not the only one feeling this way.
Read my latest blog post…What I Wore Today
This once again was timely. I just saw Good Deeds last night and it also deals with what family wants versus what makes one happy. I find that family may not always understand, but they do care. They also surprise me in what they choose to support. I am learning as I get older to look to my faith and remember my given path, then keep it moving.
“I find that family may not always understand, but they do care.”
Yes. I have found that to be true as well. And as I get older, the former is not nearly as important to me as the latter.
Another dose of brilliance, Rosetta! Thank you. I needed that.
Read my latest blog post…My “Fat Black Women Are to Blame for Everything” Rant
Thanks for stopping by! I’m happy it resonated with you