As much as we complain, you would think that our problems are all caused by other people. If only THEY would change, then our lives could be so much better! Fortunately, that sentiment could not be further from the truth. The truth is, our unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life does not come from other people and what they do or even what they say about us. It comes from the beliefs that we have about ourselves.
It took me a long time to realize that I alone held the key to my own happiness, and that anything else was a defense mechanism developed to avoid my own responsibility for my life. Sure, we can go through life blaming other people for our own unhappiness, but if we are being completely honest, we can see that the majority of our discontent comes from the biggest lie we tell ourselves.
We are not enough.
Our hair is not enough, so we have to get expensive weaves all down our backs. Or spend hundreds on every shiny new product we can get our hands on to make our natural hair more wavy, more curly, more “good.” Everyone knows that our HAIR is our glory! Not, you know, who we are inside as a person.
Our clothes are not enough, so we have to spend thousands of dollars every year to get the latest outfits, shoes and accessories. Who cares about credit card debt? The important thing is not to be left “behind” by wearing last season’s fashions!
Our bodies are not enough, so we have to get butt implants and lipo and botox to be able to “compete” with the next woman. We just want the weight off and the wrinkles gone now instead of developing a healthy lifestyle that might help us achieve those same goals. Everyone knows that the logical standard of beauty is Halle Berry or any of the cover models of Vogue. Duh!
Our degrees are not enough, so we have to keep getting more education and more debt. More Masters. More PhDs. Otherwise we won’t be taken seriously in the workplace. No one will ever listen to us without more letters behind our name. Our voices need validation!
Our suffering is not enough, so we have to constantly “outsuffer” one another and compare how bad we have it in life. We also have to delight in other people’s suffering by tearing them down with gossip and snark both online and offline. Because bullying people on Twitter is fun! Making light of other people’s pain is cool! Besides, everyone else is doing it. Right?
Our love is not enough, so we don’t take chances in relationships. We’ve come too far in life to get rejected or played! We don’t want to put our heart on the line because everyone knows that all men are dogs. Yes, they are animals, not real people. We’d much rather put ourselves through predictable drama by getting into unhealthy relationships than taking a risk on something new that might actually work.
Our talents are not enough, so we don’t go after our dream jobs or start our dream businesses. Why even apply when no one’s gonna hire us anyway? Why start a business when the economy is . . . whatever everyone is saying it is? It’s much better not to try. Besides, then we can complain and commiserate with each other about how we’re underpaid and overworked and our boss is a jerk. Yay!
As you may have noticed, this post is heavy on the sarcasm. It is not meant to judge anyone in particular, but to demonstrate how harmful and unproductive our behavior can be when we believe the lie that we are not enough. It is only when we stop living on autopilot and start investigating our beliefs that we can then stop the madness and get on with the lives we REALLY want and deserve.
Where in your life are you acting from the belief that you are not enough? How would your life be different if you truly believed that you are already amazing and complete, just as you are?