4 Ways to Make Room for More Happiness in Your Life

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” – Henri Nouwen

Have you ever looked up and realized you’ve been so busy taking care of everything and everyone else that you haven’t really taken care of YOU?

So many of us do this without even noticing. We pour into our work, family, friends, community, etc and somewhere along the way, our own happiness starts slipping further down the list.

We tell ourselves we’ll rest later. We’ll make time for ourselves later. We’ll get back to the things we love later. But later doesn’t usually come on its own.

Happiness is not something that just shows up in the middle of a packed schedule and an overwhelmed mind.

The truth is, we have to constantly make space for what we really want.

We have to choose joy, little by little, in the midst of real life.

So if you’ve been feeling stretched thin or like you’ve been putting yourself last for way too long, here are 4 simple ways to start making room for more happiness in your life.

1. Make a list of all the things that make you happy.

Often, we can get so caught up in work, never-ending responsibilities and taking care of day-to-day adulting that we forget what we’re even living for. That’s why one of my favorite exercises that I use with my clients is the assignment to make a list of “100 things that make you happy.” It’s a great way to remind yourself of what you really enjoy doing, especially if you’ve been living under someone else’s agenda for so long that you feel like you’ve forgotten. What truly makes YOU happy? What kinds of things, people, activities, music, memories, places, foods, smells, make you feel alive? By verbalizing what you want to see more of in your life, you will consciously (or subconsciously) seek it out more often.

2. Carve out a few hours of “me time” every week.

I call this “taking yourself out on a date.” Every week, mark off a few hours on your calendar to spend all by yourself – no work, no kids, no chores, no girlfriends, no Facebook. Use that time to do something that makes YOU happy, regardless of what other people might think. For instance, if you love art museums or foreign films or long walks in the park listening to the birds, go out there and have fun doing it! Stop waiting for “someone to go with” because you’re afraid to go to the movies or to dinner at that new restaurant by yourself. Or, just run a bubble bath or take a long drive into the country to have some peaceful time alone to think.

3. Say “no” to activities you no longer enjoy.

Are you overwhelmed with responsibilities at home, at work, or in your personal relationships? Maybe you find it hard to say “no” when people ask you for favors, even if you barely have enough time for yourself as it is. A great way to change this pattern is to start saying “I would love to help if I could, but I can’t” to things you really and truly don’t want to do. Stop working late. Delegate more. Get rid of all current commitments that no longer bring you joy and start limiting any new commitments to people other than yourself. When you do this, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much happier you’ll be with the commitments in your life that you actually DO care about.

4. Let go of unfulfilling relationships.

Maybe there’s a romantic relationship that you’ve allowed yourself to stay in, only out of fear that you won’t find anyone else. Perhaps you’ve grown far apart from your best friend from high school but you feel guilty about not wanting to hang out with her anymore. Or it could be that it’s time to ditch your Negative Nellie co-worker who’s always bringing you down with her constant problems. Even though it can be tough to let go of these kinds of relationships, it’s better for both parties in the long run. Release unfulfilling relationships with truth and love. Because once you get rid of that baggage, you will have more mental and emotional space to cultivate better relationships in the future.

How can you make room for more happiness in your life? What do you need to let go of so you can have more time to devote to the life you really want?